Toxic Friendships

Relationships and Marriage

Think for a moment about how you would respond to the prompt, “I am….”? What came to mind first? If you are like most people, you likely thought about yourself in relation to others. Simply stated, we think of who we are by the roles and titles that define our relationships: “…a wife …a teacher …a father...” Most of us define who we are by the relationships we are in.

And yet, relationships are HARD. The majority of clients, couples, and families who come into our counseling practice are almost always struggling in one way or another with a relationship in their lives. Relationship counseling can provide a safe setting in which to unravel hurts from the past, learn healthier communication skills, and resolve conflict in ways that restore honor and respect in the relationship.

Marriage counseling is one of the cornerstones of our services here at Trinity. Whether you are planning to marry, newly wed, or have spent the better part of a lifetime together, our counselors are here to offer guidance to strengthen and empower you as a couple. If your marriage has simply hit a bump along the road, or you are wondering if you can stay in it even another minute; we can help.

Toxic Friendships

1/30/2022

by Kathy Cap, LLPC, NCC

Kathy Cap is a Limited Licensed Professional Counselor (LLPC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. She is a graduate of Oakland University with a Masters in Counseling and joins Trinity after a number of years in a solo practice. Kathy enjoys working with couples, and adults of all ages, including those older adults facing an array of life transitions related to health changes, loss, and caregiving.

With every new year comes an opportunity to take a closer look at parts of your life that may no longer serve you, and friendships are no exception. With life's busy schedule, it’s important to spend what limited time we have with people who fuel our spirit and bring us joy. Unfortunately, not all friendships fit these criteria. Of course, all friends can have their disagreements; that's normal but toxic friendships feel a little bit different.

So how can you tell if it’s time to reconsider a friendship? Here are some questions to ask yourself when trying to identify toxic relationships.

Let's begin with the most obvious, how do you feel when you’re around them? Do you go home after spending time together feeling drained, negative, and exhausted?
When you're together, is the focus always on them? Do they only talk about themselves and neglect asking about how you’re doing?
Do they monopolize the friendship and get jealous if you have other friends?
Do they feel threatened by your success, and not encourage you to be your best self?
Do they stir the pot and cause trouble in your other relationships?
Are they not willing to work on the friendship and hear your concerns?
Do they continuously disrespect your boundaries?

If the answer to most of these questions is yes, then it may be time to reconsider the importance and value of this relationship. Breaking up with a friend can be difficult but before you cut them out completely start with an honest conversation about how you feel. It’s best if this conversation takes place in-person and not by text message. Remember to be respectful and focus on how their behavior makes you feel. For example, “I feel hurt when you don’t ask me about how I’m doing because it makes me think that I’m not that important to you.”

If your friend doesn’t listen to you or doesn’t actively make changes to improve the relationship, then it might be time to put some distance between the two of you.

Losing a friend is never easy. Seek support from friends that lift you up and care about you, or talk to your therapist for help with working through what you’re feeling. Remember that not all friendships are meant to last a lifetime, some have just run their course and that’s okay.