You Could Have a Romantic Valentine’s Day

Relationships and Marriage

Think for a moment about how you would respond to the prompt, “I am….”? What came to mind first? If you are like most people, you likely thought about yourself in relation to others. Simply stated, we think of who we are by the roles and titles that define our relationships: “…a wife …a teacher …a father...” Most of us define who we are by the relationships we are in.

And yet, relationships are HARD. The majority of clients, couples, and families who come into our counseling practice are almost always struggling in one way or another with a relationship in their lives. Relationship counseling can provide a safe setting in which to unravel hurts from the past, learn healthier communication skills, and resolve conflict in ways that restore honor and respect in the relationship.

Marriage counseling is one of the cornerstones of our services here at Trinity. Whether you are planning to marry, newly wed, or have spent the better part of a lifetime together, our counselors are here to offer guidance to strengthen and empower you as a couple. If your marriage has simply hit a bump along the road, or you are wondering if you can stay in it even another minute; we can help.

You Could Have A Romantic Valentine’s Day

1/30/2023

by Wendy Warner, LPC, NCC

Wendy Warner is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to working with couples, children, and individuals, Wendy also enjoys teaching the premarital classes for all couples planning to marry at Immanuel Lutheran Church, Macomb.

As Valentine’s Day approaches, it’s tempting to think romance will materialize out of thin air like a box of dark chocolates.

However, if your relationship isn’t characterized as affectionate, romantic or even connected, don’t expect fireworks on February 14th. The truth is, real romance is a day-by-day effort. Have you heard the old saying, “…sex begins in the kitchen”? It could be expanded to say “…sex begins in the laundry room, the kid’s bathroom at bath time and in the kitchen doing the dishes…” The more each spouse feels cared for, supported and a part of a team, the more affection and romance can blossom.

Did you know there is research that says the more a couple engages in non-sexual touch, the better their sex life is? It makes sense though. If you frequently reach for your partner’s hand, easily greet one another with a kiss and snuggling is the norm, then you’re probably emotionally and physically connected. If the only time a wife receives a hug is when she gets ‘the look’, it’s not really romance. It’s more like an obligation than a mutually exciting idea.

Romance doesn’t have to be for movie stars and 20 somethings. It’s in the little things. Romance is learning his or her love language and then speaking it regularly. Not just on special events. Does she feel loved with affirming words? Leave her a hand written note telling her how much you appreciate all she does for the family. Does he crave quality time? Suggest an activity like his favorite donut shop on Saturday morning without the cell phones on. Does she feel loved through gifts? Bring her flowers on any day that’s not a holiday. If he feels loved through acts of service or touch, you could combine those with a back rub! The idea here is that you are looking for ways to show you care, you’re pursuing them in the way they feel most loved.

When you create a relationship atmosphere that’s creative, courteous and fun, it makes romance and intimacy just another extension of what’s already in the air.