Honesty in Relationships

Relationships and Marriage

Think for a moment about how you would respond to the prompt, “I am….”? What came to mind first? If you are like most people, you likely thought about yourself in relation to others. Simply stated, we think of who we are by the roles and titles that define our relationships: “…a wife …a teacher …a father...” Most of us define who we are by the relationships we are in.

And yet, relationships are HARD. The majority of clients, couples, and families who come into our counseling practice are almost always struggling in one way or another with a relationship in their lives. Relationship counseling can provide a safe setting in which to unravel hurts from the past, learn healthier communication skills, and resolve conflict in ways that restore honor and respect in the relationship.

Marriage counseling is one of the cornerstones of our services here at Trinity. Whether you are planning to marry, newly wed, or have spent the better part of a lifetime together, our counselors are here to offer guidance to strengthen and empower you as a couple. If your marriage has simply hit a bump along the road, or you are wondering if you can stay in it even another minute; we can help.

Honesty in Relationships

4/4/2022

by Wendy Warner, LPC, NCC

Wendy Warner is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to working with couples, children, and individuals, Wendy also enjoys teaching the premarital classes for all couples planning to marry at Immanuel Lutheran Church, Macomb.

For those old enough to remember the shows, “Everybody Loves Raymond” and “The King of Queens” you probably got some good laughs watching them. They were my favorite shows in their day. However, over time, I realized the general source of humor came from the husband doing something ill-advised, and then he either lied about it or exerted a ridiculous effort to try and hide it from his wife. While it made for good sitcoms, it will not make for a good marriage.

Some people view honesty on a spectrum. There are little white lies to avoid hurting someone’s feelings, the lie of omission when you withhold information intentionally and outright lies.

Little white lies are actually more dangerous than they appear, because a person becomes comfortable fudging on the truth when it’s convenient for them. It is also the kind of dishonesty parents are likely to practice in front of their children. So, kids learn it’s okay to tell little white lies about their age because mom and dad save some money on admission to the waterpark. Or a spouse may overhear a lie given to a boss to get out of work and wonder when their spouse is lying to them. Generally, they are not harmless and lead to problems and a lack of trust down the road.

When partners withhold information to spare the couple a fight, it is bound to surface eventually. It could be accumulating debt, problems at work, or even career plans made without consulting the other. Most people are angrier to find out that they have been actively left out of the loop on important information than they would have been if they heard about it from the beginning.

Outright lies are less frequent because they are so obviously damaging to a relationship. And yet they occur about spending, what spouses do with their buddies, how much alcohol was consumed, etc.

The bottom line is trust. And when you violate someone’s trust, there really isn’t a spectrum to it. When you tell little lies, it leads to bigger lies. If your partner can’t trust you on the small stuff, how will they trust you on the really big stuff? Honesty is critical to emotional safety in a relationship. Do you have a reputation as being truthful? Reliable? Good on your word? What would your partner say?