TRINITY FAMILY COUNSELING CENTER
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Relationships and Marriage

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Think for a moment about how you would respond to the prompt, “I am….”? What came to mind first? If you are like most people, you likely thought about yourself in relation to others. Simply stated, we think of who we are by the roles and titles that define our relationships: “…a wife …a teacher …a father...” Most of us define who we are by the relationships we are in.
 
And yet, relationships are HARD. The majority of clients, couples, and families who come into our counseling practice are almost always struggling in one way or another with a relationship in their lives. Relationship counseling can provide a safe setting in which to unravel hurts from the past, learn healthier communication skills, and resolve conflict in ways that restore honor and respect in the relationship.
 
Marriage counseling is one of the cornerstones of our services here at Trinity. Whether you are planning to marry, newly wed, or have spent the better part of a lifetime together, our counselors are here to offer guidance to strengthen and empower you as a couple. If your marriage has simply hit a bump along the road, or you are wondering if you can stay in it even another minute; we can help.

Counseling Insights and Articles About Relationships & Marriage:

Reconcile the Hurt Through God, Humility, Communication and Therapy, by Wendy Warner
The Devastating Impact of Porn, by Wendy Warner
Will I Ever be OK After this Breakup?, by Sherrie Darnell
Conflict Communication: Word Choice Matters, by Wendy Warner
Is Your Relationship Difficult or Destructive?  How to Determine the Best Option for Counseling, by Shelley Kruszewski
"Yeah, but...", by Wendy Warner
God’s Good Gift of Sex: What Has Gone Wrong? A Christian Perspective, by Deb Toering
Communicate in the Present, not from the Past, by Wendy Warner
Key Ingredients to Successful Couples Counseling, by Wendy Warner
Will You Be Using Anyone’s Name Today?, by Sherrie Darnell
Let’s Be Nicer to Each Other. You Go First., by Wendy Warner
Validation: Show People You "Get Them", by Sherrie Darnell
You Could Have a Romantic Valentine’s Day, by Wendy Warner
Five Helpful Steps To Managing Conflict, by Dave Papandrea
On Dating Apps, Math, and Finding Love, by Liza Hinchey
Tips For Managing Your Relationship's Perpetual Issues, by Dave Papandrea
Are Your Relationships Well Watered Or Wilting?, by Wendy Warner
Communication For Successful Relationships, Dave Papandrea
A Lapse In Relational Logic, by Sherrie Darnell
Honesty In Relationships, by Wendy Warner
The Best Valentine’s Day Gift Ever, by Deb Toering
More Than Words, by Dave Papandrea
Use of ‘Time Out’ in Couple Relationships, by Tonya Ratliff
Humble Listening = Productive Communication, by Wendy Warner
Be Careful Your Marriage Doesn't Fall Prey To Infidelity, by Wendy Warner
Five Possible Reasons To Seek Marital Help, by Wendy Warner
Acceptance Versus Comparison, by Wendy Warner
Staying Connected To Your Spouse... Even When You're Stressed [VIDEO], by Wendy Warner
The Healing Power of Listening, Deb Toering
​Encouraging Words for Disappointed Brides and Grooms, by Wendy Warner
Will Our Marriage Ever Be Back To Normal?, by Deb Toering
Maybe Tonight Dear, Because I Love You, by Wendy Warner
Unforgiveness In Marriage, by Deb Toering
Boundaries: Your Emotional Property Lines, by Tonya Ratliff
V-A-L-I-D-A-T-E, by Wendy Warner
A Healthy Plan For Every Marriage, by Wendy Warner
Family Of Origin: We Don't Get To Choose, by Tonya Ratliff
Planning A Marriage Is More Important Than Planning A Wedding, by Wendy Warner
Are You Clothed In Kindness?, by Wendy Warner
​Conflict Is So Hard At Times!, by Wendy Warner
Happy Day After Valentine’s Day, by Wendy Warner
The Thieves Who Silence Us, by Deb Toering
Is It Really Just A Friendly Conversation?, by Wendy Warner
The Havoc of ADHD in Marriage, by Deb Toering
Social Media Can Be Hazardous to Your Mental Health, by Deb Toering
Can I Trust You?, by Wendy Warner
Do You Understand Me? Do You Care About Me?, by Wendy Warner
Lost in Translation: How a Fight With Your Spouse Blocks the Real Message, by Wendy Warner
That Really Hurt…, by Deb Toering
​When Is the Right Time to Call a Couples Counselor?, by Wendy Warner
Is There Hope After an Affair?, by Deb Toering
Please! NO Assumptions!, by Deb Toering
Do You Pursue or Withdraw When in Conflict?, by Wendy Warner
The Value of a Shared History, by Tonya Ratliff
Please Listen to Me, Don’t Dismiss Me, by Wendy Warner
Help! My Spouse Has ADHD!!, by Deb Toering
The Power of Our Words, by Tonya Ratliff
Is Your Marriage Vulnerable to An Intruder?, by Wendy Warner
I Now Pronounce You Man and Wife, by Wendy Warner
Just One Thing Can Change Everything, by Deb Toering
Feeling Disrespected in a Relationship?, by Wendy Warner
“Good Things Come to Those Who Wait”, by Wendy Warner
Is Anyone Listening?, by Deb Toering
The Power of “I”, by Tonya Ratliff
Staying Close in Spite of Conflict, by Wendy Warner
Getting Help When Your Marriage is No Longer a Fairy Tale, by Wendy Warner
Words That Breathe Life, by Deb Toering
The Beauty of a Walk, by Wendy Warner
Love, Honor and Cherish… Today, by Wendy Warner
The Speck that Infects a Relationship, by Deb Toering
Patience and Respect are Key to Relationships, by Wendy Warner
Spring Cleaning, by Tonya Ratliff
The Secret to Staying Connected to Your Spouse, by Wendy Warner
Family Holidays: Havoc or Harmony?, by Wendy Warner
Satisfied Couples Do Conflict Differently, by Wendy Warner
PREMARITAL COUNSELING: The Art of Learning How to Live With and Love Each Other, by Deb Toering

Is Your Marriage Vulnerable to an Intruder?

7/9/2016

 
by Wendy Warner, LPC
A relationship counselor can help you strengthen your marriage relationship so neither partner is vulnerable to the temptation of infidelity
Wendy Warner is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center.. In addition to working with couples, children, and individuals, Wendy also enjoys teaching the premarital classes for all couples planning to marry at Immanuel Lutheran Church, Macomb.
I  remember when I was in my 20’s and a co-worker announced, “I feel like having an affair” as she left for a business trip.  Maybe it was my newlywed status or naiveté, but I was shocked at the pre-meditated intention of straying from her marriage that included a five year old son.

Infidelity inflicts pain on those who are touched by it

After twenty six years of marriage and working as a marriage counselor, I am no longer shocked by infidelity. Instead, it grieves me for the pain infidelity inflicts on the many who are touched by it.  Infidelity is rarely so premeditated as in the case of my former co-worker.  It tends to creep up on people who weren’t looking to have an affair, but were starving for their own marriage to fulfill their longings for a closer connection. It is the slow death of hope that things will ever improve with their spouse, and the vulnerability of someone to the warm attention of a co-worker, neighbor or online relationship.  If someone is thirsting for a kind word and complimentary interest, it will feel like a cool drink in the dessert when it is given.  If it comes from someone interested in a relationship, all kinds of justification can be developed by a person dying of thirst to drink a few sips of relief.

Some compliments come with the clear intention of flirting

Compliments when people are single can be flattering. After marriage, I personally still thought compliments from men were harmless and pleasant.  However, some compliments come with the clear intention of flirting, and I began to see them in a different light.  If a man is flirting with a married woman, he is willing to send the signal he finds her attractive.  This would probably not be done in the presence of her husband, so to do it in his absence is to disrespect the husband and the marriage relationship.  If a man is flirting with me, do I really want to encourage the attention of a man who is comfortable disrespecting my husband and my marriage?

Strengthening marriage relationships prevents infidelity

The key to preventing infidelity is to strengthen our marriage relationships so neither partner is vulnerable to being so thirsty for a sip of attention that they yield to it.  Once a partner connects emotionally or sexually with another person outside the marriage, all the original problems remain with the addition of betrayal, anger, hurt and a mountain of new obstacles to connecting to their spouse.

Important questions to ask ourselves about our responsibility

When we experience dissatisfaction, it means there is a gap between our expectations and our actual experience. Rather than looking outside our marriage to find satisfaction, it is critical to better understand our part in improving the relationship.  Are the expectations unrealistic?  How are we contributing to the breakdown in communication?  Do we express our needs and frustrations to our spouse, or do we stuff them and become frustrated and hurt when they don’t read our mind? Is our spouse feeling attacked for their failure to live up to our expectations?  How often do we take responsibility for the part we play in frustrating our spouse? These are important questions to ask ourselves because no relationship breaks down due to only one partner’s shortcomings.

A good counselor will remain unbiased and not take sides

If the conversation seems to go in a continual loop without any resolution, it may be time to seek a counselor who can objectively listen to the problems and help address them constructively. A good counselor remains unbiased and will not take sides.  The counselor is on the side of the relationship growing stronger and succeeding.

Where are you today in your marriage?  Are you so thirsty for attention that you will be drawn to the kind words of a co-worker? Are you longing for your marriage to grow closer?  What can you do to open the lines of communication and soften the harshness of your conflicts? I urge you to address these issues now before affair recovery is added to the list.


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  • Home
  • Areas of Specialization
    • The Counseling Process
    • Christian Counseling
    • Anxiety and Depression
    • Self-Care
    • Relationships and Marriage
    • Grief and Loss
    • Family Counseling
    • Divorce
    • Remarriage and Blended Families
    • Parenting Counseling
    • Children and Adolescents Counseling
    • ADHD Counseling
    • Counseling for First Responders
    • Grief Group - Free to the Community
  • Our Counselors
    • Tonya Ratliff
    • Deb Toering
    • Wendy Warner
    • Liza Hinchey
    • Dave Papandrea
    • Sherrie Darnell
    • Shelley Kruszewski
    • Brian Perry
  • Fees for Services
  • LLC Supervision