Are Your Relationships Well Watered Or Wilting?

Relationships and Marriage

Think for a moment about how you would respond to the prompt, “I am….”? What came to mind first? If you are like most people, you likely thought about yourself in relation to others. Simply stated, we think of who we are by the roles and titles that define our relationships: “…a wife …a teacher …a father...” Most of us define who we are by the relationships we are in.

And yet, relationships are HARD. The majority of clients, couples, and families who come into our counseling practice are almost always struggling in one way or another with a relationship in their lives. Relationship counseling can provide a safe setting in which to unravel hurts from the past, learn healthier communication skills, and resolve conflict in ways that restore honor and respect in the relationship.

Marriage counseling is one of the cornerstones of our services here at Trinity. Whether you are planning to marry, newly wed, or have spent the better part of a lifetime together, our counselors are here to offer guidance to strengthen and empower you as a couple. If your marriage has simply hit a bump along the road, or you are wondering if you can stay in it even another minute; we can help.

Are Your Relationships Well Watered Or Wilting?

7/10/2022

by Wendy Warner, LPC, NCC

Wendy Warner is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to working with couples, children, and individuals, Wendy also enjoys teaching the premarital classes for all couples planning to marry at Immanuel Lutheran Church, Macomb.

This spring, I purchased four new flowering shrubs. I envisioned blooms brightening my garden all summer long. However, it has been a hot and dry summer which hasn’t served my new shrubs well. I diligently watered them at first, went out of town and came back to intermittent watering. What I couldn’t see was how thirsty those poor roots were for more water than they were getting. As the first shrub started browning, I increased the watering schedule. Now all four are struggling to make it as I tend to them like a sick patient. Why am I telling you about my wilting shrubs?

Because the blooms of a well-watered garden are like the inner radiance of a well encouraged soul. How about that for an analogy? Just as I was looking forward to new flowers in my garden, we start a marriage or begin parenting anticipating all of the bright days ahead. We begin with good intentions and lots of “watering” of each other. At some point in relationships, people get a little thirsty to hear they are appreciated, to know they are loved. It is like fresh, cool water pouring over them giving them life. When our spouse hears more criticism than encouragement, they might start to wilt a bit. Our kids need daily doses of “plant food” to help them bloom. They need to know they are worth our time to play with them. They need grace when they make a mistake and encouragement it will go better next time. If your kids look like they are turning brown with anger, withdrawal or an antagonistic attitude, you might stop to think about the condition of their roots. Are they withering under a lack of affirmation? Are they thirsting to have someone listen to them without giving them advice?

We generally know our spouses well and when they are stressed out. We know the times when they could use a little Miracle Gro in their morning instead of dry neglect or harshness. What a difference it makes when we take the time to see their efforts, let them know they are loved and appreciated. What can you start doing to tend to your relationships to bring out the brightest smiles? The loudest laughter? The blooms of people who feel good about themselves? You don’t even need a watering can. Just speak life giving words of affirmation and encouragement.