TRINITY FAMILY COUNSELING CENTER
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Relationships and Marriage

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Think for a moment about how you would respond to the prompt, “I am….”? What came to mind first? If you are like most people, you likely thought about yourself in relation to others. Simply stated, we think of who we are by the roles and titles that define our relationships: “…a wife …a teacher …a father...” Most of us define who we are by the relationships we are in.
 
And yet, relationships are HARD. The majority of clients, couples, and families who come into our counseling practice are almost always struggling in one way or another with a relationship in their lives. Relationship counseling can provide a safe setting in which to unravel hurts from the past, learn healthier communication skills, and resolve conflict in ways that restore honor and respect in the relationship.
 
Marriage counseling is one of the cornerstones of our services here at Trinity. Whether you are planning to marry, newly wed, or have spent the better part of a lifetime together, our counselors are here to offer guidance to strengthen and empower you as a couple. If your marriage has simply hit a bump along the road, or you are wondering if you can stay in it even another minute; we can help.
Counseling Insights and Articles About Relationships and Marriage:
Key Ingredients to Successful Couples Counseling, by Wendy Warner
Will You Be Using Anyone’s Name Today?
, by Sherrie Darnell
Let’s Be Nicer to Each Other. You Go First., by Wendy Warner
Validation: Show People You "Get Them", by Sherrie Darnell
You Could Have a Romantic Valentine’s Day, by Wendy Warner
Five Helpful Steps To Managing Conflict, by Dave Papandrea
On Dating Apps, Math, and Finding Love, by Liza Hinchey
Tips For Managing Your Relationship's Perpetual Issues, by Dave Papandrea
Are Your Relationships Well Watered Or Wilting?, by Wendy Warner
Communication For Successful Relationships, Dave Papandrea
A Lapse In Relational Logic, by Sherrie Darnell
Honesty In Relationships, by Wendy Warner
The Best Valentine’s Day Gift Ever, by Deb Toering
Toxic Friendships, by Kathy Cap
More Than Words, by Dave Papandrea
Use of ‘Time Out’ in Couple Relationships, by Tonya Ratliff
Humble Listening = Productive Communication, by Wendy Warner
Be Careful Your Marriage Doesn't Fall Prey To Infidelity, by Wendy Warner
Five Possible Reasons To Seek Marital Help, by Wendy Warner
Acceptance Versus Comparison, by Wendy Warner
Not What, But How, by Cathy Kap
Staying Connected To Your Spouse... Even When You're Stressed [VIDEO], by Wendy Warner
The Healing Power of Listening, Deb Toering
​Encouraging Words for Disappointed Brides and Grooms, by Wendy Warner
Will Our Marriage Ever Be Back To Normal?, by Deb Toering
Maybe Tonight Dear, Because I Love You, by Wendy Warner
Unforgiveness In Marriage, by Deb Toering
Boundaries: Your Emotional Property Lines, by Tonya Ratliff
V-A-L-I-D-A-T-E, by Wendy Warner
A Healthy Plan For Every Marriage, by Wendy Warner
Family Of Origin: We Don't Get To Choose, by Tonya Ratliff
Planning A Marriage Is More Important Than Planning A Wedding, by Wendy Warner
Are You Clothed In Kindness?, by Wendy Warner
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Conflict Is So Hard At Times!, by Wendy Warner
Happy Day After Valentine’s Day
, by Wendy Warner
The Thieves Who Silence Us, by Deb Toering
Is It Really Just A Friendly Conversation?
, by Wendy Warner
The Havoc of ADHD in Marriage, by Deb Toering
Social Media Can Be Hazardous to Your Mental Health, by Deb Toering
Can I Trust You?, by Wendy Warner
Do You Understand Me? Do You Care About Me?
, by Wendy Warner
Lost in Translation: How a Fight With Your Spouse Blocks the Real Message, by Wendy Warner
Where Do You Turn When It Hurts?, by Wendy Warner
That Really Hurt…, by Deb Toering
​When Is the Right Time to Call a Couples Counselor?, by Wendy Warner
Is There Hope After an Affair?, by Deb Toering
Please! NO Assumptions! , by Deb Toering
Do You Pursue or Withdraw When in Conflict?, by Wendy Warner
The Value of a Shared History, by Tonya Ratliff
Please Listen to Me, Don’t Dismiss Me, by Wendy Warner
Help! My Spouse Has ADHD!!, by Deb Toering
The Power of Our Words, by Tonya Ratliff
Is Your Marriage Vulnerable to An Intruder?, by Wendy Warner
I Now Pronounce You Man and Wife, by Wendy Warner
Just One Thing Can Change Everything, by Deb Toering
Feeling Disrespected in a Relationship?, by Wendy Warner
“Good Things Come to Those Who Wait”, by Wendy Warner
Is Anyone Listening?, by Deb Toering
The Power of “I”, by Tonya Ratliff
Staying Close in Spite of Conflict, by Wendy Warner
Getting Help When Your Marriage is No Longer a Fairy Tale, by Wendy Warner
Words That Breathe Life, by Deb Toering
The Beauty of a Walk, by Wendy Warner
Love, Honor and Cherish… Today, by Wendy Warner
The Speck that Infects a Relationship, by Deb Toering
Patience and Respect are Key to Relationships, by Wendy Warner
Spring Cleaning, by Tonya Ratliff
The Secret to Staying Connected to Your Spouse, by Wendy Warner
Family Holidays: Havoc or Harmony?, by Wendy Warner
Satisfied Couples Do Conflict Differently, by Wendy Warner
PREMARITAL COUNSELING: The Art of Learning How to Live With and Love Each Other, by Deb Toering

Key Ingredients to Successful Couples Counseling

7/31/2023

 
​by Wendy Warner, LPC, NCC
Key Ingredients to Successful Couples Counseling
Wendy Warner is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to working with couples, children, and individuals, Wendy also enjoys teaching the premarital classes for all couples planning to marry at Immanuel Lutheran Church, Macomb.
When couples come in for counseling, it has taken a lot for them to make that step. In some cases, they have endured years of conflict, poor communication, and frustration before they reach the counselor’s office. It is a big responsibility for a couple’s counselor to walk alongside them in their hurt, help them untangle the confusion, and work with them to bring them back to a healthy, loving connection.
 
In addition to the role of the counselor, the couple also plays a big part in the process of insight and growth. Most couples can be helped by counseling if they approach it with some key ingredients.
 
The first ingredient is a willingness to examine themselves individually to see what they might be contributing to their problems. If one comes in expecting their spouse to get fixed so they can have a happy marriage, it won’t work. Every partner has areas they can improve upon whether it’s being less critical, carving out more time for the other, or learning how to listen well to name a few. For faith-based couples, I would add prayer to this ingredient. Couples can pray to be open to change and ask for God’s guidance to lead them to deeper insight and understanding with their spouse.
 
The second key ingredient is genuinely working - in between appointments - on applying what was discussed during the counseling session. It can feel like an amazing breakthrough to learn new ways to communicate in session. But if the couple comes back after two weeks and they haven’t applied those new skills at all, it is difficult to see any progress. This is the couple’s relationship. They are paying money for support and help to address layers of issues that keep them unhappy. If they are not willing to spend time on assigned reading, exercises, etc., it can result in the counselor working harder than they are to improve their marriage.
 
The third ingredient is a commitment to consistent scheduling of sessions on the calendar. Ideally, any couple starting out in counseling will come several weeks in a row to build momentum. Many couples will then space it out to alternating weeks due to schedule or financial constraints. When a couple starts missing regular appointments, they can quickly lose ground. Bad habits resurface and both spouses become discouraged. It is unfortunate to see frequent cancelations that are the result of not prioritizing their commitment to counseling. A lack of commitment to consistency can significantly impact the progress - and ultimate success - of the counseling experience.
 
Most couples have really struggled before they arrive for counseling. Once they take the courageous step to get outside support, they play a very big part in whether the counseling will be helpful. They commit time, dollars, and emotional energy to the process. If they come with the above key ingredients, it is so likely that counseling will prove effective, and they will reap the benefits of a happier and healthier relationship.


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Copyright © 2023 Trinity Family Counseling LLC
  • Home
  • Areas of Specialization
    • Christian Counseling
    • Emotional Management
    • Self-Care
    • Relationships and Marriage
    • Grief and Loss
    • Family Counseling
    • Divorce
    • Remarriage and Blended Families
    • Parenting Counseling
    • Children and Adolescents Counseling
    • ADHD Counseling
    • Groups
  • Our Counselors
    • Tonya Ratliff
    • Deb Toering
    • Wendy Warner
    • Liza Hinchey
    • Dave Papandrea
    • Sherrie Darnell
    • Shelley Kruszewski
    • Jodi Walny, Intern
  • The Intern Option
  • LLC Supervision
  • Fees