Self-Care in a Busy, Hectic, Time-Pressured World

How Do You Define You?

9/4/2017

by Tonya Ratliff, LPC, NCC, ACS

Tonya Ratliff is the Owner and Director of Counseling Services for Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to her individual, couple, and family clients, Tonya is also the lead facilitator of the Walk With Me® Grief Support Group, an aftercare program sponsored by Wm. Sullivan and Son Funeral Home in Utica, MI.

As I have watched the Hurricane Harvey coverage this week, I am inspired by the countless acts of selflessness by those reaching out to help. I got to thinking…

Our lives are so busy. Our days are defined by tasks: do this, do that, go there, call, email, meet, schedule, follow-up, finish, make time…. The list is endless and overwhelming. However, if you’re like me, there is GREAT satisfaction in crossing items off that list! We get so caught up in getting things done that we can slip into a mindset of allowing our accomplishments to define who we are. How often have you fallen into bed feeling quiet satisfaction as you review tasks you completed that day? Or, you find yourself lying awake disappointed, and berating yourself for the ones that will now roll into tomorrow…

We need to take a closer look at how we define our value. How about we consider who we are inside; what it is that we offer others that exemplify our character, our integrity. Ask yourself:

Whose life did I touch today?
Whose problem did I listen to?
How did I help?
Did I attend to another’s needs?
Did I give without expectation?
Was I kind?
Was I patient?
Did I smile at a stranger?

Please don’t misunderstand; tasks do need to get done. However, defining ourselves by who we are, rather than by what we do, can empower us to be the best version of ourselves — regardless of the task at hand.

Social Media Can Be Hazardous To Your Health

8/7/2017

by Deb Toering, LPC, BCPCC, ADHD-CCSP

Deb Toering is a Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor (BCPCC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to working with a wide range of client populations and presenting issues, Deb is also an engaging public speaker. She has spoken in front of various groups across a range of topics including marriage, bullying, ADHD/ADD, and teen leadership.

Social media can affect your relationships, your motivation, and your self-image. How so? How often have you observed two people at a restaurant, both on their phones rather than conversing with each other? It is difficult to compete with the stimulation that the phone offers.

For some, a quick check of their social media expands into minutes and even hours. Soon the motivation for daily responsibilities is lost. Guilt results and momentum is lost. For others, checking for the number of “likes” on a Facebook post can result in a distorted, negative view of themselves if the numbers are not what was expected. Everyone else seems to be having more fun, going on nicer vacations or experiencing better relationships.

Social media, for some can become an addiction, trumping real relationship and hindering productivity. Is it the first thing that must be checked in the morning or the last thing needed to be reviewed before bed? Is it interrupting your work? If so, perhaps it is time to draw some boundaries around it and even enlist the help of a professional counselor.

Some apps can be deleted so access is not as easy. Devices may have to be placed in another room while you are trying to work or converse with someone important to you. Being intentional about your use of social media can lead to improved relationships and increased productivity, which can only have a positive effect on your self-image!

The Need For A Little Quiet In Your day

4/17/2016

by Tonya Ratliff, LPC, NCC, ACS

Cell phone rings, text and email alerts, television and radio programming, traffic, gaming, appliance buzzers and timers, car horns and alarms, and a thousand other noises are endured by each of us on a daily basis. We are continually bombarded with sound; a constant intrusion into our minds, psyches, and souls.

I wasn’t even aware of the barrage of clatter in my own life until a move to the country three years ago. On our cozy lot in the woods, my home is insulated from the noises of the outside world. How tempting it is, at times, to turn on the television or music, or fire up the internet for a dose of technology and artificial connectedness with the rest of the world. Initially difficult to resist, I hadn’t realized how loud my world had become. But now, I’ve grown to appreciate the need for—and the opportunity for--quiet.

When was the last time you sat in complete quiet? To think? To read? To meditate? To pray? Quiet time—especially when spent alone—provides an opportunity to clear your mind of worry, misplaced priorities, and self-doubt. An opportunity to think of nothing in particular… or everything you dream of… A time to renew our sense of who we truly are, with no distractions… An opportunity to focus on what is most important… Or to re-prioritize—especially if we’ve had it all wrong lately.

What might you discover if you made room for a little quiet in your day?

Who Am I, Really?

11/15/2015

by Deb Toering, LPC, BCPCC, ADHD-CCSP

Who or what has defined you?

Was it that bully in 6th grade who told you that you were ugly, fat or stupid? Was it your dad, with so many struggles of his own, that his lack of attention and affection made you feel unlovable? Was it your mom, battling depression, who led you to believe your only hope for finding self-worth was in being a caretaker? Perhaps it was a serious illness that took a toll on your physical strength, leaving you feeling fragile and anxious. Maybe you have been abused physically, emotionally or sexually and for you, the message was that you are worthless and unworthy of being loved or that you were to be blamed.

These beliefs affect the way we live out our lives. Think about how different your life story could have been and—could be—if you embraced something different about yourself, perhaps the truth.

Who gave broken people and unfortunate experiences the power to define you? You did, although not knowingly. Would you, at this point in your story, have the courage to challenge those long-held beliefs about yourself? Trying to understand how you made sense of life in the past, perhaps as a young child may be painful, but well worth it. Understanding those people in your life who have hurt you is the beginning of the healing journey toward forgiveness, and adopting a true view of yourself.

What’s keeping you from rewriting the story of your life?

SELF-CARE IS NOT SELF-ISH

3/22/2015

by Tonya Ratliff, LPC, NCC, ACS

No one can argue that we are living our lives on hyper-speed in the 21st century. We are simply trying to keep too many plates spinning at one time. In my counseling practice I am often helping someone recognize that they are on overload physically, emotionally or mentally. As we discuss all that they have going on — work, commuting, home responsibilities, family relationships, parenting, keeping up with technology demands, and social interactions — I typically implore them to rein it in, prioritize, and recognize the need for regular effort toward self-care.

As we discuss things that they can do for themselves the response I get most often is, “…but that sounds so selfish.” Taking good care of ourselves — in order to have the best of ourselves to give to others — is NOT selfish. The simple truth is that if we view all that we have to give as the inventory of our warehouse, we must also recognize the necessity of closing the warehouse doors to re-stock the inventory in order to re-open for business!

This re-stocking is — in very real terms — self-care.

Take just a moment to reflect on how you think about self-care, and consider whether your own shelves could benefit from replenishing.

Forward>>

Self-Care

Counseling Insights and Articles About Self-Care:

How Do You Define You?

Social Media Can Be Hazardous To Your Health

The Need For A Little Quiet In Your day

Who Am I, Really?

SELF-CARE IS NOT SELF-ISH