Self-Care

In This Time Of Uncertainty...

3/21/2020

by Kathy Cap, LLPC, NCC

Kathy Cap is a Limited Licensed Professional Counselor (LLPC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. She is a graduate of Oakland University with a Masters in Counseling and joins Trinity after a number of years in a solo practice. Kathy enjoys working with couples, and adults of all ages, including those older adults facing an array of life transitions related to health changes, loss, and caregiving.

In times of uncertainty, we often find ourselves becoming increasingly anxious. With 24-hour news stations reporting on COVID-19 and social media bombarding us with information, it is easy to get caught up in all the negativity. It is important to remember that while many things are out of your control, you can still make choices that will have a positive effect on you and can help decrease your anxious thoughts.

While it is important to keep yourself informed during a national emergency, now more than ever it is also important to implement self-care. Here are five things we all can do to help us get through this tough time:

1)     Turn off your TV and turn on your radio. Studies suggest that music can boost happiness and reduce stress, so turn up the jams!
2)     Make dinner from scratch. Try something new; make your own pizza dough or a pot of soup. Eating healthy will help to stabilize your mood and keep your immune system strong.
3)     Do something intentional. Organize that junk drawer or your closet. It helps pass the time and gives you a sense of accomplishment.
4)     Call or FaceTime a friend. If you’re stuck at home and bored, chances are others are feeling the same way. Reach out.
5)     Get outside and take a walk around the block. Physical activity is another mood booster and fresh air is a natural disinfectant.

You are not alone, we are in this together and we will get through this!

2020: A year Of Gratitude And Intention

1/12/2020

by Kathy Cap, LLPC, NCC

It’s hard to believe that we are now living in the year 2020!

There’s something about the beginning of a new decade that makes us feel inspired and hopeful for the years ahead. ‘Taking stock’ is a great way to begin the new year. When thinking about your future it’s easy to become anxious and stressed. I mean, how can you not when you think about everything on your to-do list?!

Between your family, school and work responsibilities, it’s no wonder we all don’t crawl back into bed! But, WE - or more specifically YOU - are stronger and braver than that!! While there are many resolutions we can set for ourselves, here are two simple additions to our wellness routine that will set the path for this year:

Start a gratitude journal. It’s not as daunting as you think. Take some time every few days to write down a couple of sentences or words even, about the blessings, beauty, grace that surrounds you. When you find you’re having a particularly difficult day, glance through your journal to remind yourself that what you’re experiencing is temporary.

Set your intentions for the day. Every morning as you’re getting ready verbalize these intentions. Whether you intend to be a more patient parent, or you intend to find kindness throughout the day, setting your intentions gives you purpose.

No one really knows what the year ahead will bring. However, with these small behavioral changes, the decade will be off to a good start.

"Whether You Think You Can Or You Can't... You're Right" ~Henry Ford

9/22/2019

by Kathy Cap, LLPC, NCC

Many times, in our lives we have preconceived notions of our capabilities. We tell ourselves that we can’t make certain changes because of a multitude of reasons. “I can’t get that job”, “I’m not smart enough” or “I can’t find happiness, I don’t deserve it”. Every day we tell ourselves what we can or can’t do based solely on some idea of what we think to be true. But what if Henry Ford was right? What if believing in ourselves CAN bring about the changes we desire?

Now, simply thinking about change isn’t enough to make it happen—but it’s a great start. Next time you find yourself facing self-doubt, stop for a minute and try something different. Be aware of what’s actually going on and realize that those thoughts are nothing more than, well… thoughts. Now take that self-doubt and switch it around. Tell yourself “I can do this”, “I am worth it”, “I am capable”. See what happens. You might just be surprised by the outcome.

It is hard to imagine anyone succeeding in a task by telling themselves over and over again that they can’t do it. Sure, we all wonder if we can or can’t do something—that’s normal, we’re human. But taking chances and pushing through is what makes life worth living.

Parenting, But It's Not What You Think I Mean

7/28/2019

by Liza Hinchey, LPC, NCC

Liza Hinchey is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. Liza completed dual Master’s degrees in Clinical Mental Health Counseling and Art Therapy from Wayne State University, and works with individuals, families, and groups across a range of presenting issues.

Whether you have relatively few complaints regarding your childhood, or some more serious concerns you’d like to work through, choosing to care for yourself by going to counseling can offer you the chance to adjust these long-term patterns of thought and behavior that have lingered from your formative years.

Because of this, it is often said that therapy gives you the opportunity to “re-parent” yourself. What we experience and learn as children inevitably shapes us as we grow, but if you aren’t happy with the results, you do have the power to change them. With many of my clients, I work on helping them rework unhelpful beliefs about themselves and behaviors that no longer serve them, to create new patterns that get them the life they want.

Thinking of this in terms of “re-parenting” often brings an increased sense of self-compassion to the counseling process. For example, imagine you could speak to the child version of you. How would you treat that child? I’m guessing you’d probably be supportive, encouraging, and loving. It can be quite illuminating to compare this imagined interaction with how we may be treating ourselves as adults.

Do you berate yourself when you make a mistake, make negative comments about yourself when you look in the mirror, feel you aren’t ‘good enough’?

If so, try becoming aware of these thoughts when they occur, and thinking about what you’d say if you were your own parent for a moment. How would what you say to yourself change?

Is That Bully Still Beating You Up?

6/28/2019

by Deb Toering, LPC, NCC, BCPCC

Deb Toering is a Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor (BCPCC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to working with a wide range of client populations and presenting issues, Deb is also an engaging public speaker. She has spoken in front of various groups across a range of topics including marriage, bullying, ADHD/ADD, and teen leadership.

You still have nightmares about that bully who made you feel small.

Maybe you have stuffed the horrible memories down so far that the only thing remaining is an anger that rises to the surface when someone pushes the “you are stupid” or “you are a loser” or any other “you are inferior” button. Anything that someone says or does may trigger those same feelings you had from your interaction with the bully, resulting in an angry outburst.

How can you find relief?

Talking about it helps you see the truth instead of the lies you may have believed for so many years about yourself. What power did that bully have to define who you are? You did nothing to deserve the treatment you endured. How has believing the lies affected your work, your relationships and your happiness?

There is grief work to be done, and professional counseling can help.

There were losses. If the bullying was prolonged, it stole so much: your sense of safety, your confidence, friendships, the enjoyment of being whatever age you were when it occurred. Once you have seen the truth of what happened, grieved the losses and have seen the effects it has had, there can be freedom in knowing the bully need no longer have any control over your life. He no longer needs to define who you are. You no longer need to explode at the slightest trigger.

Finally, you can beat the bully!

An Empowering Approach To Internalized Beliefs

3/3/2019

by Liza Hinchey, LPC, NCC

We all go through our lives with a certain framework to our thoughts and feelings - a lens of underlying beliefs that, whether noticed or not, colors our every experience.

Sometimes these beliefs come from our family of origin, a spouse or partner, our successes, or our failures. And for many people seeking counseling and better methods to improve their well-being, some of these beliefs may no longer be serving them. Perhaps a person or situation left you with the internalized sense that you are inadequate, that you can’t do something, that you are undeserving in some way. Whether the origin of that belief is still present in your life or not, the good news is, that unhelpful belief is now yours.

And why would that be good news? Because it is internalized--you are the one with the power to change it! It no longer belongs to someone else’s words, or to the circumstances that left you with painful emotions. By becoming aware of and defining the underlying beliefs that are no longer serving you, you give yourself the power to change them.

With some dedication and faith in this new power of yours, “I am unworthy” can become “I am enough.” Fear of judgment can become peace of mind, and self-doubt can become an organic and naturally blossoming sense of self-confidence. Imagine what radically new and different colors you would see looking through that lens.

In The Season Of Giving, Let's Remember To Give To Ourselves

12/16/2018

by Liza Hinchey, LPC, NCC

It’s a wonderful feeling to give to others. For many of us though, it can be a challenge to extend that same generosity to ourselves. If you deal with feelings of guilt or unworthiness when taking time to care for yourself, perhaps feeling that your actions are at the expense of your workload or others’ desires, you are most certainly not alone.

During the holiday season, there can often be an increase in this type of stress due to the many tasks and expectations to balance. Maybe you are a student preparing for exams, or a parent balancing both your workload and your focus on making the holidays special for your children. Regardless of your situation, imagine how much work you could get done, how much you could help others, if you were coming from a place of full health and peace.

A giver like this—who has learned to give not only to others, but to themselves as well—is an unstoppable force of nature.

To get started, I challenge you to give yourself just one small gift every day during this holiday season. This gift could be as simple as allowing yourself five minutes in the morning to really enjoy a hot drink, buying yourself a cookie, or just taking a few deep inhales and exhales the next time you feel overwhelmed. In these moments, try to recognize that you are actively cherishing yourself—and, most importantly, that you absolutely deserve to do so.

Mindfulness - Why It Works

9/28/2018

by Liza Hinchey, LPC, NCC

Liza Hinchey is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. Liza completed dual Master’s degrees in Clinical Mental Health Counseling and Art Therapy from Wayne State University, and works with individuals, families, and groups across a range of presenting issues.

For the past several years, the word “mindfulness” has been heard just about everywhere…but what exactly does it mean? And just as importantly, why does it work?

Mindfulness can most easily be understood as a focus on the present moment, whether this moment is pleasant, uncomfortable, boring, ecstatic, or anything else. It means not getting swept away in the tide of thoughts that constantly swirls in our minds, and instead taking a breath, settling, and observing our experience without judgment.

Mindfulness is such a positive force in counseling because, by definition, it counteracts two of the most universal struggles we have as human beings: guilt and anxiety. Stripped down to their essence, guilt is a focus on the past, and anxiety a focus on the future. Naturally, learning to be present in the now is a remedy for both. And after all, are we truly ever anywhere but…now? Mindfulness helps us remain in the moment, the only place where our lives are really happening.

Once we are able to focus on our experiences without judgment, we can start to make changes to how we react to these moments, and thus change our lives. We can begin to approach each experience, no matter how difficult, with our calm, centered selves. “No pain, no gain” is a myth. Instead, we can observe how we feel in the now, take a breath, and find the ease in any moment.

Shame. The Silent Killer.

12/3/2017

by Deb Toering, LPC, NCC, BCPCC

Good shame doesn’t destroy; it convicts us of wrong. Bad shame slowly sucks the life out of us. It steals our joy and silences us. It can make us feel small, dirty, and unworthy. It is a voice inside that speaks loudly and tells us things that aren’t true, like we are to blame.

Sexual harassment, abuse, or bullying can make the victim feel shame. The longer silence keeps us captive, the more powerful the lies become.

What wrong did the victim commit? Some believe there is something about them that attracts predators. Others believe they did something to deserve the treatment. Keeping silent only keeps the victim in a state of shame and confusion. Misplaced shame is like a predator in the animal kingdom: it kills and eats its prey. When we are filled with bad shame, our spirits are killed; our sense of dignity is compromised. We can lose our perspective of who we are and as a result, we have little ability to interact with others because we feel so damaged.

Bringing the abuse out in the open, talking about it, especially with an individual counselor can be very healing. Shame begins to lose its power when its lies are brought into the light.

No, it wasn’t your fault. No, you didn’t deserve to be treated so horribly. No, you are not small or unworthy because of the despicable actions of another.

Speaking about the shameful act brings life and healing and a restored sense of self.

How Do You Define You?

9/4/2017

by Tonya Ratliff, LPC, NCC, ACS

Tonya Ratliff is the Owner and Director of Counseling Services for Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to her individual, couple, and family clients, Tonya is also the lead facilitator of the Walk With Me® Grief Support Group, an aftercare program sponsored by Wm. Sullivan and Son Funeral Home in Utica, MI.

As I have watched the Hurricane Harvey coverage this week, I am inspired by the countless acts of selflessness by those reaching out to help. I got to thinking…

Our lives are so busy. Our days are defined by tasks: do this, do that, go there, call, email, meet, schedule, follow-up, finish, make time…. The list is endless and overwhelming. However, if you’re like me, there is GREAT satisfaction in crossing items off that list! We get so caught up in getting things done that we can slip into a mindset of allowing our accomplishments to define who we are. How often have you fallen into bed feeling quiet satisfaction as you review tasks you completed that day? Or, you find yourself lying awake disappointed, and berating yourself for the ones that will now roll into tomorrow…

We need to take a closer look at how we define our value. How about we consider who we are inside; what it is that we offer others that exemplify our character, our integrity. Ask yourself:

Whose life did I touch today?
Whose problem did I listen to?
How did I help?
Did I attend to another’s needs?
Did I give without expectation?
Was I kind?
Was I patient?
Did I smile at a stranger?

Please don’t misunderstand; tasks do need to get done. However, defining ourselves by who we are, rather than by what we do, can empower us to be the best version of ourselves — regardless of the task at hand.

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