Self-Care

Looking Forward to 2021

1/10/2021

by Deb Toering, LPC, NCC, BCPCC

Deb Toering is a Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor (BCPCC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to working with a wide range of client populations and presenting issues, Deb is also an engaging public speaker. She has spoken in front of various groups across a range of topics including marriage, bullying, ADHD/ADD, and teen leadership.

We all have hopes that Christmas 2021 will look much different than 2020.

What are your hopes for the new year?

No longer needing to wear a mask? More Hugs? Dating? Dining out? Going to the theater and concerts? Travel? Seeing your loved ones without worry?

So much is uncertain. Although the vaccine has arrived, so has a new strain of the virus. Our nation is raging. Will life ever get back to normal? And if not, what will the “new normal” look like?

As 2020 taught us, there are many things outside our control. Focusing on what we can control can bring just as much satisfaction, if not more than a nice dinner out with a concert to follow.

Being intentional about connecting with family and friends can deepen those relationships. Reading brings new ideas and can transport us to new places. A new hobby could reveal a hidden passion. Are there skills that could be honed? Strengthening our bodies has a powerful effect on our minds and spirits. Thinking about purpose and growing spiritually is what makes life rich and meaningful.

One thing that all of us have control over is our thoughts. We can choose to be thankful. Choose to see the good. Choose to think about the truth.

No matter what 2021 brings, we can end the year with deeper relationships, stronger minds and bodies and a greater faith in the One who holds the whole world in His hands. Yes, even when it is shaking.

Good Riddance 2020

12/27/2020

by Kathy Cap, LLPC, NCC

Kathy Cap is a Limited Licensed Professional Counselor (LLPC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. She is a graduate of Oakland University with a Masters in Counseling and joins Trinity after a number of years in a solo practice. Kathy enjoys working with couples, and adults of all ages, including those older adults facing an array of life transitions related to health changes, loss, and caregiving.

This year has been unlike any we have ever experienced.

At this point, after more than nine months of living with a pandemic, I think it’s safe to say we are ready for 2020 to be a distant memory. Between the loss of celebrations, isolation, shorter days, and longer nights many of us find ourselves stuck. Our anxiety has been increasing along with the grief that comes with having lost so much this year.

While these feelings are valid, it’s essential to not allow yourself to become stuck but instead to find hope. As uncomfortable as it may feel, pushing ourselves to imagine a better future is critical to our well-being. There are a few things we can do to foster hope no matter how hopeless things might seem.

First, begin with giving yourself permission to feel what you’re feeling. It’s ok to not be ok. Next, implement some self-care. This can be a walk, listening to music, or taking a relaxing bath. Then begin to identify and reframe your negative thinking pattern. For example, instead of saying “This year has been terrible and everything I was hoping to accomplish has been canceled, nothing is going my way.” Dispute and reframe this thought by saying: “Maybe everything has been pushed back a year but that doesn’t mean all is lost it just means it will take me a little longer to accomplish my goals.”

Lastly, remember that now, more than ever, a new year brings with it, new possibilities.

Why Everyone Can benefit From A Mindfulness Practice

11/21/2020

by Liza Hinchey, LPC, NCC

Liza Hinchey is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. Liza completed dual Master’s degrees in Clinical Mental Health Counseling and Art Therapy from Wayne State University, and works with individuals, families, and groups across a range of presenting issues.

When my clients are looking to improve their overall happiness and well-being, one of the first things I suggest is starting a mindfulness practice. As one of the simplest and most broadly effective strategies there is, implementing mindfulness almost always leads to improvements. Of course, it’s not a magic solution to all of our problems, but research has shown that it can broadly improve our well-being.

Defined as a non-judgmental awareness of the present moment, mindfulness can help us regulate our emotions, cope with difficult experiences, improve our focus, communicate more effectively, and be more compassionate towards ourselves and others. Studies have also shown that when someone is thinking about something other than the current moment, they report feeling less happy than if they were focused on the present. This is true even if the thoughts they were thinking were pleasant or happy! [1]

If you’d like to try out this valuable practice for yourself, there are so many ways to make it work for you. Yoga and meditation, both “formal” mindfulness practices, are highly effective if you’re into them. But the best part about mindfulness is that it can be practiced by anyone, anywhere, anytime. All you need to do is, for a moment, bring your attention to the present.

What do you see, feel, hear, smell, and taste? What does your breath feel like as it enters and leaves your body? What is it like to exist, to be you in your body, right now.

Killingsworth MA, Gilbert DT. A wandering mind is an unhappy mind. Science. 2010 Nov 12;330(6006):932. doi: 10.1126/science.1192439. PMID: 21071660.

Finding Encouragement In The Small Moments

7/27/2020

by Wendy Warner, LPC, NCC

Wendy Warner is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to working with couples, children, and individuals, Wendy also enjoys teaching the premarital classes for all couples planning to marry at Immanuel Lutheran Church, Macomb.

I like to run.

I don’t go far, but I enjoy it. Toward the halfway point, there is a hill that usually leaves me struggling for air. I've noticed if I look far up the road and focus on the hill, it seems more daunting, even discouraging. If I focus on the road just in front of me, I don’t notice the incline nearly as much. I can take it one step at a time and reach my goal. There are stretches of hot sun and shade on the road. Rather than dread the sun, I celebrate reaching the shady spots and feeling some relief. Sometimes I need to walk a short bit to catch my breath. I tell myself that a woman in her 50’s is allowed to take a breather here and there.

It occurred to me my running route is a lot like life. If I choose to focus on difficulties in the future, I will struggle more and feel discouraged. Or, I could handle what life has for me today, one step at a time. If I dread the hard days, they will probably be hard. You tend to find what you look for. Or, I could look for the good in each day and appreciate the people and situations that are part of that.

Sometimes life gets overwhelming, and we might need extra support or a break. It’s important to be gentle with ourselves, not critical, until we are ready to push forward again.

Your Brain Is hardwired To Protect You, Not To Be Productive

4/28/2020

by Liza Hinchey, LPC, NCC

When your environment is uncertain, your brain shifts much of its energy into preparing you to quickly adapt to the next unpredictable situation you find yourself in. As the word “unpredictable” suggests, that is quite a challenging job. So, while your brain is busy trying its best to complete this task, you may experience a few side effects:

Lack of focus – When stressed, the part of your brain that helps you focus and plan (the prefrontal cortex), can be partially shut down as other parts of your brain work harder in an effort to keep you prepared for potential danger.

Feeling overly tired – Your brain burns energy much faster than usual when in a crisis.

Feeling like you should take advantage of this time to be creative (e.g. paint, bake, learn), but feeling creatively blocked – In the “fight or flight” state, your brain diverts energy away from creativity and towards survival.

Goals that were important to you don’t seem important right now – Your brain is focusing on the here and now, rather than on the future. It’s better from a survival standpoint (e.g. if you were in danger, you would need to focus on the immediate situation to survive).

None of these feelings or states of being are personal flaws or failures on your part. They are simply side effects of your brain trying to keep you alive and safe when it senses danger. Whatever you are feeling or not feeling, doing or not doing, is okay (and temporary).

In This Time Of Uncertainty...

3/21/2020

by Kathy Cap, LLPC, NCC

In times of uncertainty, we often find ourselves becoming increasingly anxious. With 24-hour news stations reporting on COVID-19 and social media bombarding us with information, it is easy to get caught up in all the negativity. It is important to remember that while many things are out of your control, you can still make choices that will have a positive effect on you and can help decrease your anxious thoughts.

While it is important to keep yourself informed during a national emergency, now more than ever it is also important to implement self-care. Here are five things we all can do to help us get through this tough time:

1)     Turn off your TV and turn on your radio. Studies suggest that music can boost happiness and reduce stress, so turn up the jams!
2)     Make dinner from scratch. Try something new; make your own pizza dough or a pot of soup. Eating healthy will help to stabilize your mood and keep your immune system strong.
3)     Do something intentional. Organize that junk drawer or your closet. It helps pass the time and gives you a sense of accomplishment.
4)     Call or FaceTime a friend. If you’re stuck at home and bored, chances are others are feeling the same way. Reach out.
5)     Get outside and take a walk around the block. Physical activity is another mood booster and fresh air is a natural disinfectant.

You are not alone, we are in this together and we will get through this!

2020: A year Of Gratitude And Intention

1/12/2020

by Kathy Cap, LLPC, NCC

It’s hard to believe that we are now living in the year 2020!

There’s something about the beginning of a new decade that makes us feel inspired and hopeful for the years ahead. ‘Taking stock’ is a great way to begin the new year. When thinking about your future it’s easy to become anxious and stressed. I mean, how can you not when you think about everything on your to-do list?!

Between your family, school and work responsibilities, it’s no wonder we all don’t crawl back into bed! But, WE - or more specifically YOU - are stronger and braver than that!! While there are many resolutions we can set for ourselves, here are two simple additions to our wellness routine that will set the path for this year:

Start a gratitude journal. It’s not as daunting as you think. Take some time every few days to write down a couple of sentences or words even, about the blessings, beauty, grace that surrounds you. When you find you’re having a particularly difficult day, glance through your journal to remind yourself that what you’re experiencing is temporary.

Set your intentions for the day. Every morning as you’re getting ready verbalize these intentions. Whether you intend to be a more patient parent, or you intend to find kindness throughout the day, setting your intentions gives you purpose.

No one really knows what the year ahead will bring. However, with these small behavioral changes, the decade will be off to a good start.

"Whether You Think You Can Or You Can't... You're Right" ~Henry Ford

9/22/2019

by Kathy Cap, LLPC, NCC

Many times, in our lives we have preconceived notions of our capabilities. We tell ourselves that we can’t make certain changes because of a multitude of reasons. “I can’t get that job”, “I’m not smart enough” or “I can’t find happiness, I don’t deserve it”. Every day we tell ourselves what we can or can’t do based solely on some idea of what we think to be true. But what if Henry Ford was right? What if believing in ourselves CAN bring about the changes we desire?

Now, simply thinking about change isn’t enough to make it happen—but it’s a great start. Next time you find yourself facing self-doubt, stop for a minute and try something different. Be aware of what’s actually going on and realize that those thoughts are nothing more than, well… thoughts. Now take that self-doubt and switch it around. Tell yourself “I can do this”, “I am worth it”, “I am capable”. See what happens. You might just be surprised by the outcome.

It is hard to imagine anyone succeeding in a task by telling themselves over and over again that they can’t do it. Sure, we all wonder if we can or can’t do something—that’s normal, we’re human. But taking chances and pushing through is what makes life worth living.

Parenting, But It's Not What You Think I Mean

7/28/2019

by Liza Hinchey, LPC, NCC

Whether you have relatively few complaints regarding your childhood, or some more serious concerns you’d like to work through, choosing to care for yourself by going to counseling can offer you the chance to adjust these long-term patterns of thought and behavior that have lingered from your formative years.

Because of this, it is often said that therapy gives you the opportunity to “re-parent” yourself. What we experience and learn as children inevitably shapes us as we grow, but if you aren’t happy with the results, you do have the power to change them. With many of my clients, I work on helping them rework unhelpful beliefs about themselves and behaviors that no longer serve them, to create new patterns that get them the life they want.

Thinking of this in terms of “re-parenting” often brings an increased sense of self-compassion to the counseling process. For example, imagine you could speak to the child version of you. How would you treat that child? I’m guessing you’d probably be supportive, encouraging, and loving. It can be quite illuminating to compare this imagined interaction with how we may be treating ourselves as adults.

Do you berate yourself when you make a mistake, make negative comments about yourself when you look in the mirror, feel you aren’t ‘good enough’?

If so, try becoming aware of these thoughts when they occur, and thinking about what you’d say if you were your own parent for a moment. How would what you say to yourself change?

Is That Bully Still Beating You Up?

6/28/2019

by Deb Toering, LPC, NCC, BCPCC

You still have nightmares about that bully who made you feel small.

Maybe you have stuffed the horrible memories down so far that the only thing remaining is an anger that rises to the surface when someone pushes the “you are stupid” or “you are a loser” or any other “you are inferior” button. Anything that someone says or does may trigger those same feelings you had from your interaction with the bully, resulting in an angry outburst.

How can you find relief?

Talking about it helps you see the truth instead of the lies you may have believed for so many years about yourself. What power did that bully have to define who you are? You did nothing to deserve the treatment you endured. How has believing the lies affected your work, your relationships and your happiness?

There is grief work to be done, and professional counseling can help.

There were losses. If the bullying was prolonged, it stole so much: your sense of safety, your confidence, friendships, the enjoyment of being whatever age you were when it occurred. Once you have seen the truth of what happened, grieved the losses and have seen the effects it has had, there can be freedom in knowing the bully need no longer have any control over your life. He no longer needs to define who you are. You no longer need to explode at the slightest trigger.

Finally, you can beat the bully!

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