Finding Christmas Joy

by Tonya Ratliff, LPC, NCC, ACS

Tonya Ratliff is the Owner and Director of Counseling Services for Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to her individual, couple, and family clients, Tonya is also the lead facilitator of the Walk With Me® Grief Support Group, an aftercare program sponsored by Wm. Sullivan and Son Funeral Home in Utica, MI.

Here we are again… It really does seem as though time is moving more quickly these days, doesn’t it? As I pulled out the Christmas ornaments and decorations this year, it seemed like such a short time since I had last packed them away. And, how many times have I heard others around me say, “I can’t believe it’s Christmas again already!”
 
Everything feels fast. Busy days of work, childrearing, home management, and the logistics of organizing and planning consume the majority of our days throughout the year. Even the time for finally just sitting at the end of a long week, or connecting socially with family or friends requires intricate management - or a concession to just ‘let it slide’ because there just isn’t time.
 
How do we slow down then, at the end of a big day, or week, or year, and cherish the small moments? I have thought about this a lot this year - not only in my professional role as a counselor to others - but also in my own life. I came up with a few ideas that I’d like to share.  
 
1)     Simply do less.
 
This sounds so, well, simple, right?! But it’s not. It takes a great deal of courage and commitment to say no to perceived obligations, and risk disappointing others who rely on us for so much. Just like many others, I struggle with feelings of letting others down, or - even worse - asking for help with something! But I can assure you that once you let go of something that you thought was “required” of you, you will experience the most blissful feeling of relief! AND, you’ll recognize that maybe it wasn’t a “requirement” after all!
 
A few examples….

• Planning and cooking everything yourself vs asking others to bring a dish
• Wrapping every single gift vs using gift bags [added bonus: saves needing to find a box for every odd item, and having to purchase reams of wrapping paper and bows!]
• Attending every event and perceived commitment vs selectively choosing where you’d like to be

 
2)     Be intentional about the people with whom you want to spend your time.
 
Throughout our busy days, we often have no choice but to spend time with challenging people, i.e. maybe our boss, perhaps co-workers, customers, patients, and the list goes on. So, when we have the opportunity to choose with whom to spend our time during the holidays - we should choose folks who we enjoy, who make us laugh, and who support us in some important way. A good friend once said to me that “…life is too short to spend time with people you don’t enjoy…” She was so right. Make a point to choose who you spend your precious available time with this Christmas season.
 
3)     Engage in mindfulness.
 
Such a ‘buzz word’ these days… but what exactly is mindfulness? Mindfulness is best defined by living in the present moment. Essentially, it means being (intentionally) more aware and awake to each moment and being fully engaged in what is happening in one's surroundings - with acceptance and without judgment.
 
So, that means trying to always be aware of where your mind is focused as you participate in the moments of your own life! It means not allowing yourself to feel distracted by something that has occurred in your past, or preoccupied with something that may lie ahead in your future—the next hour, the next day, or the next event.
 
A few examples…

• Listen to the message from the pulpit, instead of making mental additions to your grocery trip later in the day.
• Allow yourself to enjoy music or a mediation in order to fall asleep, rather than reviewing tomorrow’s ‘to do’ list.
• Basically, think: “Stop and smell the roses…” or the cookies in the oven… or the pine scent of the Christmas tree…
• Notice the snowfall…
• Listen to the lyrics of the Christmas carols being sung…
• Open gifts one at a time to enjoy each person’s experience of delight…
• Smile when you hear a baby giggle, and keep it going with your own smiles and giggles…
• Go outside with your dog and laugh as he romps through the snow…
• Sit and take in the beauty of a sunset...
• Eat slowly and savor a delicious sweet treat…

 
You get the idea.
 
Now back to the issue of busyness… A mindfulness practice will not actually slow down time, but it can offer the opportunity to find greater joy in the individual moments we experience every day. After all, all we really have are single moments continuously connected to one another. Finding ways to make those moments more joyful at Christmas might actually give us a feeling of slowing down - if only a little bit.
 
As we make our way through these last few days of 2022, consider finding some Christmas joy for yourself. Maybe you simply do less, maybe you will try being more intentional about the people with whom you want to spend your time. And maybe, you’ll attempt to exercise a state of mindfulness throughout the holiday. Whatever your effort, please remember that joy found, experienced, and shared is the greatest gift any of us could ask for this Christmas season.

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