Moms: Can Your Empty Nest Grow Full Again?

by Deb Toering, LPC, BCPCC, ​ADHD-CCSP

Deb Toering is a Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor (BCPCC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to working with a wide range of client populations and presenting issues, Deb is also an engaging public speaker. She has spoken in front of various groups across a range of topics including marriage, bullying, ADHD/ADD, and teen leadership.

For some of you, you have spent years raising your kids with the goal of them becoming mature, responsible and independent adults. You may have recently had your last child leave the nest and now it feels quiet, lonely and empty. Your husband may be happy because now he has you all to himself. But for you, this is a new normal that does not feel normal. It is too quiet. You are left alone with more time on your hands; not sure how to fill it or how to find your new purpose.
 
In the realm of nature, a nest is a structure or place made or chosen by a bird for laying eggs and sheltering its young. For us, our nest is not only our homes that we have made, but our lives, our circle of influence, our purpose.
 
Could there be a new purpose for your nest? Could it become more of a haven for your marriage; a safe place where you and your spouse can come home to and feel loved? Could it be a place where neighbors, friends and family come to feel welcomed, valued and loved? Those extra bedrooms can be transformed into guest rooms, a workout space, hobby room, or even rooms for visiting grandchildren if you are so blessed to have them.
 
Take advantage of the quiet to reflect on this next phase of life. Time for reading, hobbies, new interests, cultivation of new friendships, perhaps a new career or more time to focus on the career you have.
 
Take some time to grieve if that is what you feel. Reflect on what was; what you loved, what was difficult, what you wish you could have done differently. Maybe there is a strained relationship with an adult child that needs attention and healing. Now is the time to make those relationships right. Now is the time to stop beating yourself up for mistakes you may have made. Recognize that you did the best you knew how at the time.
 
After a time of reflection, it is time to begin this new and exciting phase of life. Try something new. You might like it! You might find that your nest is filling back up in new and wonderful ways!

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