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Self-Care

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We all lead busy, hectic, time-pressured lives these days. Many of our clients admit to feeling as though they are dropping the ball in their marriage, with their kids, with family, and at work. There simply don’t seem to be enough hours in the day to be everything to everyone who needs something from us.
 
This is especially true for those who identify caregiving as a primary function in their relationships. For these folks, it is critical to recognize and honor your personal limits, and know when to step back and exercise healthy self-care. 
 
Recognizing the value of taking good care of yourself and learning how to set boundaries in your life are just a couple of the tasks of appropriate self-care. If the idea of taking good care of yourself seems foreign to you, a caring professional counselor can help you to become aware of—and honor—those needs.
Counseling Insights and Articles About Self-Care:
Is It Me?  Maladaptive Coping Strategies in the Fire Service, by Dave Papandrea
The Mind-Body Connection Series: How to Get the Most of Your Sleep, by Liza Hinchey
Looking Forward To 2021, by Deb Toering
Good Riddance 2020, by Kathy Cap
Why Everyone Can Benefit From A Mindfulness Practice​, by Liza Hinchey
Finding Encouragement In The Small Moments, by Wendy Warner
Your Brain Is Hardwired To Protect You, Not To Be Productive, by Liza Hinchey
In This Time Of Uncertainty..., by Kathy Cap
2020: A Year Of Gratitude And Intention, by Kathy Cap
Whether You Think You Can Or You Can't... You're Right, by Kathy Cap
Parenting, But It's Not What You Think I Mean, by Liza Hinchey
​Is That Bully Still Beating You Up?, by Deb Toering
​An Empowering Approach to Internalized Beliefs, by Liza Hinchey
In The Season Of Giving, Let's Remember To Give To Ourselves, by Liza Hinchey
Mindfulness - Why It Works, by Liza Hinchey
Shame. The Silent Killer., by Deb Toering
How Do You Define YOU?, by Tonya Ratliff
Social Media Can Be Hazardous to Your Mental Health, by Deb Toering
The Need for a Little Quiet in Your Day, by Tonya Ratliff
Who Am I, Really?, by Deb Toering
Self-Care is Not Self-ish, by Tonya Ratliff

Shame.  The Silent Killer.

12/3/2017

 
by Deb Toering, LPC, NCC, BCPCC
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Deb Toering is a Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor (BCPCC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to working with a wide range of client populations and presenting issues, Deb is also an engaging public speaker. She has spoken in front of various groups across a range of topics including marriage, bullying, ADHD/ADD, and teen leadership.
Good shame doesn’t destroy; it convicts us of wrong. Bad shame slowly sucks the life out of us. It steals our joy and silences us. It can make us feel small, dirty, and unworthy. It is a voice inside that speaks loudly and tells us things that aren’t true, like we are to blame.

Sexual harassment, abuse, or bullying can make the victim feel shame. The longer silence keeps us captive, the more powerful the lies become.

What wrong did the victim commit? Some believe there is something about them that attracts predators. Others believe they did something to deserve the treatment. Keeping silent only keeps the victim in a state of shame and confusion. Misplaced shame is like a predator in the animal kingdom: it kills and eats its prey. When we are filled with bad shame, our spirits are killed; our sense of dignity is compromised. We can lose our perspective of who we are and as a result, we have little ability to interact with others because we feel so damaged.

Bringing the abuse out in the open, talking about it, especially with an individual counselor can be very healing. Shame begins to lose its power when its lies are brought into the light.

No, it wasn’t your fault. No, you didn’t deserve to be treated so horribly. No, you are not small or unworthy because of the despicable actions of another.

Speaking about the shameful act brings life and healing and a restored sense of self.


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Copyright © 2022 Trinity Family Counseling LLC
  • Home
  • Areas of Specialization
    • Christian Counseling
    • Emotional Management
    • Self-Care
    • Relationships and Marriage
    • Grief and Loss
    • Family Counseling
    • Divorce
    • Remarriage and Blended Families
    • Parenting Counseling
    • Children and Adolescents Counseling
    • ADD / ADHD Counseling
    • Groups
  • Our Counselors
    • Tonya Ratliff
    • Deb Toering
    • Wendy Warner
    • Liza Hinchey
    • Kathy Cap
    • Dave Papandrea
    • Sherrie Darnell
  • The Intern Option
  • LLPC Supervision
  • Fees