Is That Bully Still Beating You Up?

Self-Care

We all lead busy, hectic, time-pressured lives these days. Many of our clients admit to feeling as though they are dropping the ball in their marriage, with their kids, with family, and at work. There simply don’t seem to be enough hours in the day to be everything to everyone who needs something from us.

This is especially true for those who identify caregiving as a primary function in their relationships. For these folks, it is critical to recognize and honor your personal limits, and know when to step back and exercise healthy self-care.

Recognizing the value of taking good care of yourself and learning how to set boundaries in your life are just a couple of the tasks of appropriate self-care. If the idea of taking good care of yourself seems foreign to you, a caring professional counselor can help you to become aware of—and honor—those needs.

Is That Bully Still Beating You Up?

6/28/2019

by Deb Toering, LPC, NCC, BCPCC

Deb Toering is a Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor (BCPCC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to working with a wide range of client populations and presenting issues, Deb is also an engaging public speaker. She has spoken in front of various groups across a range of topics including marriage, bullying, ADHD/ADD, and teen leadership.

You still have nightmares about that bully who made you feel small.

Maybe you have stuffed the horrible memories down so far that the only thing remaining is an anger that rises to the surface when someone pushes the “you are stupid” or “you are a loser” or any other “you are inferior” button. Anything that someone says or does may trigger those same feelings you had from your interaction with the bully, resulting in an angry outburst.

How can you find relief?

Talking about it helps you see the truth instead of the lies you may have believed for so many years about yourself. What power did that bully have to define who you are? You did nothing to deserve the treatment you endured. How has believing the lies affected your work, your relationships and your happiness?

There is grief work to be done, and professional counseling can help.

There were losses. If the bullying was prolonged, it stole so much: your sense of safety, your confidence, friendships, the enjoyment of being whatever age you were when it occurred. Once you have seen the truth of what happened, grieved the losses and have seen the effects it has had, there can be freedom in knowing the bully need no longer have any control over your life. He no longer needs to define who you are. You no longer need to explode at the slightest trigger.

Finally, you can beat the bully!