Emotional Management

Is My Way Always The Best Way?

5/30/2016

by Wendy Warner, LPC, NCC

Wendy Warner is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to working with couples, children, and individuals, Wendy also enjoys teaching the premarital classes for all couples planning to marry at Immanuel Lutheran Church, Macomb.

What does it mean to accept people and circumstances in our lives?

Do we embrace our child’s temperament, or are they too quiet, too emotional, too loud? Do we accept our spouse as is? Do we try to make them tidier, more social, ten pounds lighter? What about circumstances? Do we groan when the unexpected arises, or do we receive it as part of the anticipated trials of life?

Proverbs 3:5-6, reveals how God wants me to approach acceptance: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” When circumstances don’t make sense, I have learned to trust God that He has more understanding of events unfolding than I do. He gives me a promise that if I acknowledge Him, He will clear the path ahead for me. To acknowledge Him means to seek Him, live a life reflective of His ways that are described in His word. Acceptance allows me to take the pressure off myself to have all the answers and trust God that He is clearing the way for me.

This acceptance has helped me to let go of moments that in the past would have caused me stress. I trust God to guide the steps of my children and don’t need to control every detail. I’m able to trust that He knows better, and I can lean on His ways, not mine.

Confronting Your Perfectionism

3/19/2016

by Tonya Ratliff, LPC, NCC, ACS

Tonya Ratliff is the Owner and Director of Counseling Services for Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to her individual, couple, and family clients, Tonya is also the lead facilitator of the Walk With Me® Grief Support Group, an aftercare program sponsored by Wm. Sullivan and Son Funeral Home in Utica, MI.

Who among us hasn’t at some point fallen short of our own expectations of ourselves, either in ambition, performance, or achievement?

For many, the response is simply to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and try, try again… OR… Try something different! A healthy dose of patience and positive self-regard allows us to recognize and accept our own limitations and to temper our perception of our experiences with defeat. We are able to recognize that we are not perfect.

However, for many people the need to be perfect, or do things perfectly, is an overwhelming and all-consuming focus. Perfectionism can be defined as the tendency to set rigid—and often impossibly—high standards for personal performance, and is frequently the result of a black-and-white thinking style.

Research informs us that besides genetics, perfectionism is the strongest predictor of clinical depression. Additionally, perfectionists often suffer from anxiety, which can result in an overly structured approach to life, with little room for spontaneity or fun—least their imperfections be revealed. Fear clearly fuels the perfectionist’s world.

The first step to confronting your perfectionism is to begin to hear the messages that you give yourself—about yourself. Recognizing your “inner critic” can allow you to begin to challenge those messages, and actively work toward changing them. The task is to replace those self-critical thoughts with kinder, gentler, and less demanding standards. Setting expectations that simply ask for your personal best allows credit for your effort—in spite of a less than perfect outcome.

How Can I Stop Worrying?

5/17/2015

by Deb Toering, LPC, NCC, BCPCC

Deb Toering is a Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor (BCPCC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to working with a wide range of client populations and presenting issues, Deb is also an engaging public speaker. She has spoken in front of various groups across a range of topics including marriage, bullying, ADHD/ADD, and teen leadership.

From a human perspective, we have much to feel anxious about.

Can we pay our bills? What will be the result of that last medical test? Can I forgive someone who hurt me deeply? Will we have money for retirement? What happens if I lose my job? Will my children be strong enough to escape the temptations that could cause them so much grief? Will they be successful and happy? Our worries are many, and increasing daily.

From God’s perspective, we need not be anxious. Is it possible to live without worry? You may think that your troubles are too big and too numerous. Does God really care about you? Yes! He knows our natural tendency toward worry, so He tells us: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4: 6-7

He tells us to bring EVERY concern to Him in prayer; to thank Him in advance for His answers. Thanksgiving conveys our faith in God who is trustworthy, who is sovereign, who loves us unconditionally, and causes all things to work together for good for those who love Him and are called to His purpose. Romans 8:28

The result of doing what God asks of us is a peace that is beyond our human understanding. Goodbye worry! (At least until the next crisis!)

How Are You Managing Your Emotional World?

3/29/2015

by Tonya Ratliff, LPC, NCC, ACS

Have you ever tried to keep a beach ball under the surface of the water in a swimming pool?

The task requires A LOT of energy and focus, and ultimately results in our giving up when we can no longer sustain the effort. We reach a point of exhaustion and finally allow the ball to breach the surface of the water with a force of explosive power. We laugh, we giggle, and we finally relax our body after the effort required to keep the ball submerged has ended.

Have you ever realized the concentrated psychic vigilance you are exerting when you try to keep your emotions ‘pushed down?’ Like the submerged beach ball, our emotions need to surface and be acknowledged. Then, and only then, can we relax and let go of the preoccupation with avoiding and guarding our feelings of anxiety, depression and of course, anger. The fear of finally letting our feelings emerge can paralyze us, leaving us preoccupied, and with no energy for enjoying the moments of our daily lives.

Can you begin to imagine how your life might be different if you were to let your feelings be known to others? Instead of exhausting yourself with the relentless pursuit of keeping that ball of emotion contained?

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