Confronting Your Perfectionism

Emotional Management

Let’s face it—our emotions can get the better of any of us. Anxiety, depression, self-doubt, fear, worry, loneliness, low self-esteem, codependency, and anger are just a few of the emotional demons that rob us of our ability to experience joy, to be present in our day-to-day lives, and to engage with and love others to our fullest potential.

Each of the counselors at Trinity is experienced in helping clients identify and confront their emotional challenges through a wide range of therapeutic approaches. The first step toward change is always to develop an awareness of how your daily experiences trigger and perpetuate your negative thoughts about yourself or others, and then how those thoughts lead to your troubling emotional responses and—often times—inappropriate or unhealthy behaviors.

Confronting Your Perfectionism

3/19/2016

by Tonya Ratliff, LPC, NCC, ACS

Tonya Ratliff is the Owner and Director of Counseling Services for Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to her individual, couple, and family clients, Tonya is also the lead facilitator of the Walk With Me® Grief Support Group, an aftercare program sponsored by Wm. Sullivan and Son Funeral Home in Utica, MI.

Who among us hasn’t at some point fallen short of our own expectations of ourselves, either in ambition, performance, or achievement?

For many, the response is simply to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and try, try again… OR… Try something different! A healthy dose of patience and positive self-regard allows us to recognize and accept our own limitations and to temper our perception of our experiences with defeat. We are able to recognize that we are not perfect.

However, for many people the need to be perfect, or do things perfectly, is an overwhelming and all-consuming focus. Perfectionism can be defined as the tendency to set rigid—and often impossibly—high standards for personal performance, and is frequently the result of a black-and-white thinking style.

Research informs us that besides genetics, perfectionism is the strongest predictor of clinical depression. Additionally, perfectionists often suffer from anxiety, which can result in an overly structured approach to life, with little room for spontaneity or fun—least their imperfections be revealed. Fear clearly fuels the perfectionist’s world.

The first step to confronting your perfectionism is to begin to hear the messages that you give yourself—about yourself. Recognizing your “inner critic” can allow you to begin to challenge those messages, and actively work toward changing them. The task is to replace those self-critical thoughts with kinder, gentler, and less demanding standards. Setting expectations that simply ask for your personal best allows credit for your effort—in spite of a less than perfect outcome.