Transitions for Aging Parents

Family Counseling

Our problems with others rarely exist in isolation. Many times, we come to realize that the interaction within our family unit itself is what is not working well. Maybe there are unresolved misunderstandings from the past? A lack of sufficient boundaries in family relationships? Or cycles of conflict that keep recurring? There are also generational differences and alliances that develop within a family that can result in hurt feelings and long-held resentments.

A competent family counselor can help family members begin to sort out and “own” their piece of responsibility for the family dysfunction. Our counselors at Trinity have experience working with families to assist them in identifying their cycles of dysfunction. We can offer an objective perspective about the overarching patterns of interaction at the center of the problems. While commitment to the process is a necessary feature of successful family counseling, often times simply gathering in the same room—at the same time—to talk about their challenges with an objective third party can in and of itself—be healing.

Transitions for Aging Parents

10/17/2021

by Kathy Cap, LLPC, NCC

Kathy Cap is a Limited Licensed Professional Counselor (LLPC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. She is a graduate of Oakland University with a Masters in Counseling and joins Trinity after a number of years in a solo practice. Kathy enjoys working with couples, and adults of all ages, including those older adults facing an array of life transitions related to health changes, loss, and caregiving.

Caring for aging parents has become a reality for many of us.

While living independently is what most seniors hope for, there might come a time in their lives where that independence can become dangerous. Deciding to move our loved ones into assisted or independent living is never easy. Starting that conversation can be difficult and chances are you will experience some pushback. However, there are ways to gently help your loved one lean in to the possibility of taking that step. Leaving their home, along with a lifetime of memories, is never easy, so remember to convey empathy. It’s important to not approach this as if the decision has already been made.

Start by planting the seed. Your loved one will give you multiple reasons why they don’t want to leave their home, so listen carefully and validate what they’re feeling.

Do your research and take them on multiple tours. Many facilities are happy to show you around and even treat you to lunch. Finding the right fit where they feel comfortable is key.

Focus on the benefits of assisted living:

1)     Socialization: Activities from art classes, card clubs to happy hour are offered daily. They even have field trips to sporting events or the cider mill.

2)     Safety and security: There’s nothing like having peace of mind knowing that someone is available to assist you 24-hours a day.

3)     Care-free living: They no longer have to worry about lawn work or home repairs. Most places have laundry services and weekly housekeeping; all of this means more free time to enjoy fun activities.

4)     Healthy meals: A common complaint of seniors living alone is eating alone. They now can enjoy the company of others while dining on nutritious meals prepared for them.

5)     Transportation: Rides to doctor’s appointments or the grocery store.

Remember to be patient, one of their biggest concerns is that they will be forgotten, so reassuring them that they will still be part of life and their family’s important moments is key. With love, support, and empathy, the transition into the next chapter of your parent’s life can be a positive one.

Talking to a professional counselor can be helpful in processing the emotions that arise — for both yourself and your parent — in the face of this challenging scenario.