Family Challenges of Elder Caregiving

Family Counseling

Our problems with others rarely exist in isolation. Many times, we come to realize that the interaction within our family unit itself is what is not working well. Maybe there are unresolved misunderstandings from the past? A lack of sufficient boundaries in family relationships? Or cycles of conflict that keep recurring? There are also generational differences and alliances that develop within a family that can result in hurt feelings and long-held resentments.

A competent family counselor can help family members begin to sort out and “own” their piece of responsibility for the family dysfunction. Our counselors at Trinity have experience working with families to assist them in identifying their cycles of dysfunction. We can offer an objective perspective about the overarching patterns of interaction at the center of the problems. While commitment to the process is a necessary feature of successful family counseling, often times simply gathering in the same room—at the same time—to talk about their challenges with an objective third party can in and of itself—be healing.

Family Challenges of Elder Caregiving

11/14/2022

by Kathy Cap, LLC, NCC

Kathy Cap is a Limited Licensed Counselor (LLC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. She is a graduate of Oakland University with a Masters in Counseling and joins Trinity after a number of years in a solo practice. Kathy enjoys working with couples, and adults of all ages, including those older adults facing an array of life transitions related to health changes, loss, and caregiving.

Families are complicated and when you are the sole person taking care of an aging parent, family relationships can become strained. In the beginning, when decisions are being made about who will be the primary caregiver of an aging parent and what that will look like, everyone is positive and committed to helping out. What often ends up happening is that the caregiver, defined as the one taking care of the day to day needs of the family member, becomes frustrated with the lack of support and often feels alone. In order to try and keep the family from discord, it’s important to remember a few things.

While it can be a blessing to spend precious time with your loved one, it’s also completely normal to feel anger and frustration, and then guilt about feeling angry and frustrated. These are all normal feelings and they don’t make you a bad person.

It’s impossible for the caregiving responsibilities to be divided equally. You might have siblings who live out of state or travel often for work, so it’s important for each family member to pitch in when and where they can. Try setting a schedule to decide who can drive to the doctor appointments, ask the sibling who lives out of state to contribute a bit more financially or help with paperwork, phone calls, etc. The more each person can contribute the more united the family will feel.

Communication is paramount and your family members are not mind readers, so they will not see your daily struggles and challenges. Schedule regular family meetings to check-in and communicate your struggles, together you can come up with some solutions to ease the stress. Remember it’s not a sign of weakness to ask for help. If you need a break, tell them. A lot of your stress can be related to not getting enough time for yourself. Be clear about what you need.

Lastly, if you find yourself feeling overwhelmed and anxious, find a counselor you feel comfortable with and can talk to. Remember, you don’t’ have to go it alone, help is available.