Boomerang Kids

Family Counseling

Our problems with others rarely exist in isolation. Many times, we come to realize that the interaction within our family unit itself is what is not working well. Maybe there are unresolved misunderstandings from the past? A lack of sufficient boundaries in family relationships? Or cycles of conflict that keep recurring? There are also generational differences and alliances that develop within a family that can result in hurt feelings and long-held resentments.

A competent family counselor can help family members begin to sort out and “own” their piece of responsibility for the family dysfunction. Our counselors at Trinity have experience working with families to assist them in identifying their cycles of dysfunction. We can offer an objective perspective about the overarching patterns of interaction at the center of the problems. While commitment to the process is a necessary feature of successful family counseling, often times simply gathering in the same room—at the same time—to talk about their challenges with an objective third party can in and of itself—be healing.

Boomerang Kids

8/3/2021

by Kathy Cap, LLPC, NCC

Kathy Cap is a Limited Licensed Professional Counselor (LLPC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. She is a graduate of Oakland University with a Masters in Counseling and joins Trinity after a number of years in a solo practice. Kathy enjoys working with couples, and adults of all ages, including those older adults facing an array of life transitions related to health changes, loss, and caregiving.

Having your adult child move back home because of a life transition is very common. It’s so common in fact, that there is a term for it, “Boomerang Kids”. Boomerang kids are adult children who move back to live with their parents after a period of independence. While this new living arrangement could be helpful, it is important to sit down and hash out what both parties’ expectations will be. Remember that this is not your young son or daughter moving back but — an adult. It’s important to respect each other’s thoughts and opinions, but ultimately you are the head of the household.

In order to avoid future conflict, here are three things to consider with your adult son / daughter:

1. Establish a Timeline
While this can be flexible, it is important to get an idea of how long they plan on staying, is it until they find a job or save up a certain amount money? Whatever the goal may be, it’s important to be clear. Of course, things can change but without setting a timeline there might be no motivation to leave.

2. Establish Ground Rules
Being clear on what is expected at home can make the difference between living in peace or in constant conflict. It’s important that your adult child understands that you are no longer responsible for all their needs. They are more than capable of washing their clothes, making a meal and cleaning up after themselves. Remember, that is not your job.

3. Pitching In
Once your adult child begins working, are they expected to pay some rent? And maybe pitch in with the groceries? Having them help in small ways financially not only helps you, but it also helps them become responsible with their money.

Having your adult child move back home isn’t necessarily a bad thing but — communication is key. Checking in with each other to see what is — or is not — working is very important. Mutual respect and an understanding of what is expected from everyone involved can go a long way in managing, and ultimately strengthening, your relationship with your adult son or daughter.