by Kathy Cap, LLC, NCC

Kathy Cap is a Limited Licensed Counselor (LLC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. She is a graduate of Oakland University with a Masters in Counseling and joins Trinity after a number of years in a solo practice. Kathy enjoys working with couples, and adults of all ages, including those older adults facing an array of life transitions related to health changes, loss, and caregiving.

Families are complicated and when you are the sole person taking care of an aging parent, family relationships can become strained. In the beginning, when decisions are being made about who will be the primary caregiver of an aging parent and what that will look like, everyone is positive and committed to helping out.  What often ends up happening is that the caregiver, defined as the one taking care of the day to day needs of the family member, becomes frustrated with the lack of support and often feels alone.  In order to try and keep the family from discord, it’s important to remember a few things.
     
While it can be a blessing to spend precious time with your loved one, it’s also completely normal to feel anger and frustration, and then guilt about feeling angry and frustrated. These are all normal feelings and they don’t make you a bad person. 
 
It’s impossible for the caregiving responsibilities to be divided equally. You might have siblings who live out of state or travel often for work, so it’s important for each family member to pitch in when and where they can. Try setting a schedule to decide who can drive to the doctor appointments, ask the sibling who lives out of state to contribute a bit more financially or help with paperwork, phone calls, etc. The more each person can contribute the more united the family will feel.
 
Communication is paramount and your family members are not mind readers, so they will not see your daily struggles and challenges. Schedule regular family meetings to check-in and communicate your struggles, together you can come up with some solutions to ease the stress.   Remember it’s not a sign of weakness to ask for help.  If you need a break, tell them. A lot of your stress can be related to not getting enough time for yourself. Be clear about what you need.
 
Lastly, if you find yourself feeling overwhelmed and anxious, find a counselor you feel comfortable with and can talk to. Remember, you don’t’ have to go it alone, help is available.

by Kathy Cap, LLPC, NCC

Kathy Cap is a Limited Licensed Professional Counselor (LLPC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. She is a graduate of Oakland University with a Masters in Counseling and joins Trinity after a number of years in a solo practice. Kathy enjoys working with couples, and adults of all ages, including those older adults facing an array of life transitions related to health changes, loss, and caregiving.

Caring for aging parents has become a reality for many of us.

While living independently is what most seniors hope for, there might come a time in their lives where that independence can become dangerous.  Deciding to move our loved ones into assisted or independent living is never easy.  Starting that conversation can be difficult and chances are you will experience some pushback. However, there are ways to gently help your loved one lean in to the possibility of taking that step. Leaving their home, along with a lifetime of memories, is never easy, so remember to convey empathy.  It’s important to not approach this as if the decision has already been made.
 
Start by planting the seed. Your loved one will give you multiple reasons why they don’t want to leave their home, so listen carefully and validate what they’re feeling.
 
Do your research and take them on multiple tours. Many facilities are happy to show you around and even treat you to lunch.   Finding the right fit where they feel comfortable is key.
 
Focus on the benefits of assisted living:
 
1)     Socialization:  Activities from art classes, card clubs to happy hour are offered daily. They even have field trips to sporting events or the cider mill.
 
2)     Safety and security:  There’s nothing like having peace of mind knowing that someone is available to assist you 24-hours a day.
 
3)     Care-free living: They no longer have to worry about lawn work or home repairs. Most places have laundry services and weekly housekeeping; all of this means more free time to enjoy fun activities.
 
4)     Healthy meals: A common complaint of seniors living alone is eating alone. They now can enjoy the company of others while dining on nutritious meals prepared for them.
 
5)     Transportation:  Rides to doctor’s appointments or the grocery store.
 
Remember to be patient, one of their biggest concerns is that they will be forgotten, so reassuring them that they will still be part of life and their family’s important moments is key. With love, support, and empathy, the transition into the next chapter of your parent’s life can be a positive one.
 
Talking to a professional counselor can be helpful in processing the emotions that arise — for both yourself and your parent — in the face of this challenging scenario.

by Kathy Cap, LLPC, NCC

Kathy Cap is a Limited Licensed Professional Counselor (LLPC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. She is a graduate of Oakland University with a Masters in Counseling and joins Trinity after a number of years in a solo practice. Kathy enjoys working with couples, and adults of all ages, including those older adults facing an array of life transitions related to health changes, loss, and caregiving.

Having your adult child move back home because of a life transition is very common. It’s so common in fact, that there is a term for it, “Boomerang Kids”. Boomerang kids are adult children who move back to live with their parents after a period of independence. While this new living arrangement could be helpful, it is important to sit down and hash out what both parties’ expectations will be. Remember that this is not your young son or daughter moving back but — an adult. It’s important to respect each other’s thoughts and opinions, but ultimately you are the head of the household.
 
In order to avoid future conflict, here are three things to consider with your adult son / daughter:


1.  Establish a Timeline
While this can be flexible, it is important to get an idea of how long they plan on staying, is it until they find a job or save up a certain amount money? Whatever the goal may be, it’s important to be clear. Of course, things can change but without setting a timeline there might be no motivation to leave.

2.  Establish Ground Rules
Being clear on what is expected at home can make the difference between living in peace or in constant conflict. It’s important that your adult child understands that you are no longer responsible for all their needs. They are more than capable of washing their clothes, making a meal and cleaning up after themselves. Remember, that is not your job.
 
3.  Pitching In
Once your adult child begins working, are they expected to pay some rent? And maybe pitch in with the groceries? Having them help in small ways financially not only helps you, but it also helps them become responsible with their money.

Having your adult child move back home isn’t necessarily a bad thing but — communication is key. Checking in with each other to see what is — or is not — working is very important. Mutual respect and an understanding of what is expected from everyone involved can go a long way in managing, and ultimately strengthening, your relationship with your adult son or daughter.

by Tonya Ratliff, LPC, NCC, ACS

opportunity to navigate their differences in an entirely new manner than they likely have experienced before. Some important features of the family counseling setting include:

• A safe atmosphere for discussion

• The opportunity for EVERY family member to express their feelings and opinions about the issue
• Immediate feedback from an objective third party to mediate escalating tensions and emotions                         
• Dedicated time for the entire family to truly ‘hear’ and engage with each other
• Education about how the family system works… or is not working                                                                    
• Opportunity to recognize alliances within the family that may be perpetuating the problem
• Encouragement for each family member to take responsibility for their role in the problem
• Guidance for collective problem-solving
• Ongoing accountability to ensure lasting change within the family

​
There is no doubt, it IS a tall order to bring an entire family into counseling! The sheer logistics of finding a day and a time when everyone is available can be the biggest challenge. However, a collective belief that the family is worth the investment to improve relationships and enhance daily interactions can be the first step to healing long-standing wounds and misunderstandings with the people you love the very most in the world. You might even discover that you can actually enjoy each other in ways you never imagined before! 
 
 Is your family worth it?