TRINITY FAMILY COUNSELING CENTER
  • Home
  • Areas of Specialization
    • Christian Counseling
    • Emotional Management
    • Self-Care
    • Relationships and Marriage
    • Grief and Loss
    • Family Counseling
    • Divorce
    • Remarriage and Blended Families
    • Parenting Counseling
    • Children and Adolescents Counseling
    • ADHD Counseling
    • Groups
  • Our Counselors
    • Tonya Ratliff
    • Deb Toering
    • Wendy Warner
    • Liza Hinchey
    • Dave Papandrea
    • Sherrie Darnell
    • Shelley Kruszewski
  • The Intern Option
  • LLC Supervision
  • Fees

ADHD

Picture
Our fast-paced lives and love for technology tends to make us all a little distracted, and as many say, “I am so ADD”. But what is it, really, and what causes it? Some mistakenly believe it is due to poor parenting skills, the social environment, or a lack of self-discipline. It is due to none of these, but rather stems from a neurological problem: a deficiency of two neurotransmitters in the brain.
 
Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder is an impairment of the brain’s executive functions. It  presents differently but most experience one or all of the following symptoms:
  1. Inattention: difficulty staying on task, sustaining focus and keeping organized.
  2. Hyperactivity: moving about constantly or fidgeting, tapping or talking too much. Difficulty falling asleep or general restlessness
  3. Impulsivity: acting or speaking without thinking. Difficulty with self-control. A desire for immediate rewards. Interrupting others. Making decisions without thinking about long-term consequences.

Left untreated, these conditions can result in underachievement, failed relationships, depression and low self-esteem. Often adults who are diagnosed later in life feel a tremendous amount of relief: they finally have an explanation for many of their life-long struggles.
 
If you are feeling overwhelmed and struggling in any of the areas mentioned above, or are witnessing these challenges in your child’s life, we are here to help you unravel the complex disorder of ADHD.
Counseling Insights and Articles About ADHD
Connecting the Dots After an ADHD Diagnosis, by Deb Toering
A Parent’s Desperate Cry for HELP! The ADHD Connection to Missing Homework Assignments, by Deb Toering
Why Can't You Ever Be On Time?, by Deb Toering
The Relief And Grief Of An ADHD Diagnosis, by Deb Toering
Tackling The Mundane With An ADHD Brain, by Deb Toering
Help!  My Child With ADHD Needs Friends, by Deb Toering
Help!  My Child Has ADHD!!, by Deb Toering
The Havoc of ADHD in Marriage
, by Deb Toering
A Day With ADHD, by Deb Toering
ADHD Without the “H”, by Deb Toering
Help! My Spouse Has ADHD!!, by Deb Toering
I’ll Get to That Tomorrow…, by Deb Toering
“Just Try Harder”, by Deb Toering

A Parent’s Desperate Cry for HELP! The ADHD Connection to Missing Homework Assignments

3/23/2021

 
​by Deb Toering, LPC, NCC, BCPCC
Picture
Deb Toering is a Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor (BCPCC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to working with a wide range of client populations and presenting issues, Deb is also an engaging public speaker. She has spoken in front of various groups across a range of topics including marriage, bullying, ADHD/ADD, and teen leadership.

A desperate parent, baffled by the discovery that their teen has 25 missing school assignments, will call me, pleading for help. The parent is devastated to discover their teen has been lying about the schoolwork, always reporting that it’s caught up.  By this time the teen may be exhibiting signs of depression and anxiety.
 
This is such a common scenario with teens who have undiagnosed ADHD. Why?
 
Students may do well in elementary school, but middle school and high school bring new challenges; changing classes in middle school and the increased difficulty of high school assignments, may cause them to begin to fall apart and fall behind.  Once they get behind, things begin to snowball. Some students may give up entirely and just stop making any effort at all. There is guilt then shame from the lying. They feel like a failure. Depression sets in.
 
ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) is a neurological condition that can present as hyperactivity, inattention or both. It affects the executive function aspect of the brain which includes attention, memory, self-control, following directions, organization, planning, follow-through; many of the things necessary for academic success. In addition, these students have an interest-based ability to focus. In other words, it is extremely difficult to focus on the things they do not find interesting or that are difficult. Those 25 missing assignments could be in math, if the student finds math difficult and uninteresting. Add to this mix an impulsive nature and need for excitement, they may already be seeking more stimulating experiences such as drugs, alcohol or sex.  These things also offer some temporary relief from the pain of failure and shame.
 
The worst thing a parent can do at this point is to punish or demean or to say that if only they would try harder, have more discipline, etc. Parents, why would your teen want to fail? There is a reason if ADHD is in operation.
 
There may be other things that you as a parent have been battling at home in addition to the schoolwork. A messy room, constant video games, frustration that there is little follow-through in what you have asked them to do. The relationship is probably strained from all the nagging about homework and other problems at home. Your teen has already got the message that he is a disappointment, that he is lazy and that there is something wrong with him. He may be isolating in his room, fearful that whenever he emerges there will be more nagging, yelling and questions about why things aren’t getting done. It is a vicious cycle. As a parent, you are exhausted and desperate for some solutions. ADHD is an invisible disability. Your teen looks “normal,” but so few will understand the struggles. This is what makes the journey even more difficult and frustrating.
 
The first step is an evaluation by a mental health professional who specializes in ADD-ADHD. Medication can be extremely helpful. A combination of the right medication, education about how the ADHD brain is wired, and coaching to help develop healthy habits of sleep, exercise, organizational skills and study habits can help your teen move into a more successful school experience, better image of himself and a better relationship with you.
 
A final note to you as a parent: the relationship with your teen is what is most important. If you have no relationship, the bond that you both desire is missing. If you have yelled and said things like, “you are so lazy” or, “if you would just try harder or have more discipline,” please apologize and ask how your words have affected your teen. Humbly admit that you do not understand the source of his struggle but you are willing to learn more about ADHD. That will be the start of healing in your relationship and will help your teen do the necessary work of understanding himself and learning to develop the necessary skills for success.

Comments are closed.
Copyright © 2022 Trinity Family Counseling LLC
  • Home
  • Areas of Specialization
    • Christian Counseling
    • Emotional Management
    • Self-Care
    • Relationships and Marriage
    • Grief and Loss
    • Family Counseling
    • Divorce
    • Remarriage and Blended Families
    • Parenting Counseling
    • Children and Adolescents Counseling
    • ADHD Counseling
    • Groups
  • Our Counselors
    • Tonya Ratliff
    • Deb Toering
    • Wendy Warner
    • Liza Hinchey
    • Dave Papandrea
    • Sherrie Darnell
    • Shelley Kruszewski
  • The Intern Option
  • LLC Supervision
  • Fees