It's Not What I Expected

by Deb Toering, LPC, BCPCC, ADHD-CCSP​

Deb Toering is a Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor (BCPCC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to working with a wide range of client populations and presenting issues, Deb is also an engaging public speaker. She has spoken in front of various groups across a range of topics including marriage, bullying, ADHD/ADD, and teen leadership.

Life is full of heartache and disappointments.

​A spouse has a debilitating disease. Children travel down self-destructive paths. Jobs are lost. Financial difficulties come upon us. Storms destroy our homes and our marriages. Test results show cancer. Family relationships are strained. We feel alone, afraid, helpless, vulnerable and sometimes, full of shame.  How are we to respond to these things?  Who can we talk to who will understand? Some things are so personal that we decide to travel alone. And the journey can be painful and lonely.

These unexpected events are losses we did not anticipate: the loss of health and a happy retirement. The loss of financial security. The loss of a physical home or marriage. The loss of the hope of a happy family or happy and successful children. A healthy way of coping with these losses is to do the actual work of grief: working through the anger, bargaining, perhaps depression and finally acceptance. These emotions are normal. Talking about them is helpful. Sometimes a professional counselor can be just the one who can hear your pain and disappointment and help you work through the grief.

For the Christian, we know that this life is not all there is. Jesus told us that we would have trouble in this life (John 16:33). The comfort that we have is that God will wipe away every tear. In Heaven there will be no mourning or crying or pain or death (Revelation 21:3-4).

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