by Debbie Caine, LLPC (Pending)

Debbie Caine a Limited Licensed Professional Counselor (LLPC) in private practice at  Trinity Family Counseling Center. She completed her Master’s degrees in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Oakland University, and works with individuals, couples, families, and groups across a range of presenting issues.

As a species, we are all created for connection and we have a basic human need to belong.

We learn this fact from the time we are young and as we age.  In the Ted Talk entitled, What Makes a Good Life?, there are lessons learned from an ongoing 75-year Harvard study on happiness.  The study revealed that good relationships keep us happier and healthier.  Lessons taken from the research conclude that individuals that are more socially connected to family, friends, and community are happier, physically heathier, and live longer.

It is NOT the number of friends that you have or even if you are in a committed relationship, but it IS the quality of your close relationships that matter.  Living in the warmest relationships proves to be protective.
 
Good relationships and connections don’t just protect our bodies, they protect our brains.  People in relationships that feel they can count on each other in times of need benefit greatly.  What are the challenges and obstacles to achieving these healthy connections?

Perhaps we need to notice changes we can make daily to improve our relationships and provide opportunities.  Some changes may mean that we pay attention and trade screen time for people time.  If you find that you are lonelier than you would like to be, consider talking to a professional counselor who can help you sort it out.
 
“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
John 15:13

by Deb Toering, LPC, NCC, BCPCC

Deb Toering is a Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor (BCPCC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to working with a wide range of client populations and presenting issues, Deb is also an engaging public speaker. She has spoken in front of various groups across a range of topics including marriage, bullying, ADHD/ADD, and teen leadership.

Thanksgiving is almost upon us.

We come to the table with mixed emotions and challenging circumstances. Family conflict is seated and the turkey dinner somehow doesn’t taste as good as last year.  Grief is present and tears saturate the beautiful tablecloth. The chair where an adult child usually sits is empty because family is no longer a priority. Physical pain makes another chair almost impossible to sit on. Another chair is full of worry because its occupant has suddenly lost his job.
 
This is life in a broken world. Conflict, grief, physical pain and financial loss are not strangers to any of us. We fear that our pain will reveal itself in those family photos.
 
We may need to seek professional help to learn new coping skills, gain insight into how to navigate conflict, or have someone just listen to our grief and help us find some light.
 
We might not be able to change our circumstances but we can definitely change the way we think about them. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 says, “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” If we know that God is good, that He is sovereign in our lives, and that He loves us, we can trust that whatever is happening He is with us, and is working for our good and His glory.

That truth can put a smile on your face. At least long enough for that picture!

by Wendy Warner, LPC, NCC

Wendy Warner is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to working with couples, children, and individuals, Wendy also enjoys teaching the premarital classes for all couples planning to marry at Immanuel Lutheran Church, Macomb.

If you are an engaged couple, you have many exciting things to think about. There are wedding rings to buy, dates to book, flowers and a cake to order, not to mention the all-important wedding gown! Something that might not be on your ‘to do’ list is premarital counseling. Consider that long after the excitement of the wedding day passes, your day to day relationship becomes very important. Even the most committed couples will experience some bumps in the road that might not fade away over time.
 
Have you dated long enough to know how to manage conflict and communicate successfully? Do you know how to pursue emotional intimacy and speak each other’s love language to ensure you stay closely connected? Have you discussed how you will set boundaries during holidays with your families as a couple? Are there topics that turn into a fight so quickly that you have just decided to avoid them? Is there a dynamic in your relationship that concerns you, but it feels difficult to address with your fiancée?
 
The merging of two individuals and families almost guarantees the need for growth in relationship skills.  Premarital counseling is considered a key ingredient in keeping marriages strong. As a Christian counselor, I help couples understand the biblical roles of husband and wife as well as specific communication, conflict and emotional needs for the couple. An engaged couple that pursues premarital counseling is wise in planning for a happy life after the wedding day.

by Liza Hinchey, LLPC

Liza Hinchey is a Limited Licensed Professional Counselor (LLPC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. Liza completed dual Master’s degrees in Clinical Mental Health Counseling and Art Therapy from Wayne State University, and works with individuals, families, and groups across a range of presenting issues.

When most people think about art therapy, they think of how it can be helpful for children (which is in no way incorrect!).

Children can benefit from art therapy in many ways. Art offers the ability to access a nonverbal method of communicating thoughts and feelings that many children simply don’t have the vocabulary for yet. It also offers a less intimidating way to interact with a therapist.

However, that doesn’t mean that adults can’t receive similar benefits from art in a therapy setting!
 
Creative therapies are just as helpful for adults as they are for children.  No matter what your age, it can sometimes be difficult to put your feelings into words. Art allows them to flow freely onto the paper instead. The best part is--there is no artistic talent necessary to access these benefits!

I have met many clients who did not think they could try art therapy because they were not artists. However, that couldn’t be further from the truth. As long as you are willing to be open-minded, there is no reason that you could not include art in your therapeutic journey.
 
All in all, participating in art therapy is an act of self-exploration, and that is something to which all ages can relate. My clients who choose art therapy as part of their treatment often discover insights about themselves that they may not have reached otherwise. I can then help them process the emotions that arise through their art, so they can begin healing.

by Debbie Caine, LLPC (Pending)

Debbie Caine a Limited Licensed Professional Counselor (LLPC) in private practice at  Trinity Family Counseling Center. She completed her Master’s degrees in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Oakland University, and works with individuals, couples, families, and groups across a range of presenting issues.

What have we learned about suicide?  Suicide can affect all people. There is no single cause for suicide and no single variable that can prevent suicide. Sometimes suicide is not preventable. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) within the past year about 41,000 individuals died by suicide, 1.3 million adults have attempted suicide, 2.7 million adults have had a plan to attempt suicide and 9.3 million adults have had suicidal thoughts.
 
What does this all mean?  Unfortunately, our society often treats suicide in a way that negatively brands an individual. However, suicidal ideation is not a brand or a label; it is a sign that an individual is suffering deeply and must seek treatment. And it is falsehoods that often prevent people from getting the help they so desperately need to get better.
 
Attention to and understanding of the myths associated with suicide can help society realize the importance of helping others seek treatment, and show individuals the importance of addressing their mental health challenges. NAMI defines some of the myths and facts about suicide as follows:
 
Myth – Suicide only affects individuals with a mental health condition.
Fact – Many individuals with mental illness are not affected by suicidal thoughts and not all people who attempt or die by suicide have mental illness.
 
Myth – Most suicides happen suddenly without warning.
Fact – Verbal or behavioral warning signs precede most suicides. It is important to learn and understand the warning signs and risk factors. Something to look out for when concerned that a person may be suicidal is a change in behavior or the presence of entirely new behaviors.
                       
Warning signs may include:

• Threats or comments about killing themselves
• Increased alcohol and drug use
• Aggressive behavior
• Social withdrawal from friends, family and the community
• Dramatic mood swings
• Talking, writing, or thinking about death
• Impulsive or reckless behavior

                       
Signs of Imminent Danger?

• Putting their affairs in order and giving away their possessions
• Saying goodbye to friends and family
• Mood shifts from despair to calm
• Planning, possibly by looking around to buy, steal, or borrow tools they need to complete suicide

                       
Risk Factors include:

• Family history of suicide
• Substance abuse
• Intoxication
• Access to firearms
• Serious or chronic medical illness
• Gender – men are four times more likely to die by suicide
• History of trauma or abuse
• Prolonged stress
• Isolation
• Age – people under age 24 or above age 65 are at a higher risk for suicide
• Recent tragedy or loss
• Agitation and sleep deprivation

 
Myth – Once an individual is suicidal, he or she will always remain suicidal.
Fact – Active suicidal ideation is often short-term and situation-specific. Studies have shown that approximately 54% of individuals who have died by suicide did not have a diagnosable mental health disorder. And for those with mental illness, the proper treatment can help to reduce symptoms. An individual with suicidal thoughts and previous attempts can live a long, successful life.
 
Myth – People who die by suicide are selfish and take the easy way out.
Fact – Typically, people do not die by suicide because they do not want to live. People die by suicide because they want to end their suffering. These individuals are suffering so deeply that they feel helpless and hopeless. 
 
Myth – Talking about suicide will lead to and encourage suicide.
Fact – There is a widespread stigma associated with suicide and as a result, many people are afraid to speak about it. Talking about suicide reduces the stigma and allows individuals to seek the help they desperately need. 
 
As a society, we should NOT be afraid to talk about suicide. If you think you are at risk or you suspect someone close to you is, PLEASE USE THE RESOURCES AVAILABLE TO YOU.  We can all help to prevent suicide.
 
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline provides 24/7, free, confidential support for people in distress at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).
 
If you or someone you know is in crisis --
make sure you or he or she is NOT left alone.
 
If we create conversation surrounding suicide, we can create change and give individuals that are suffering permission to use their voice to get the help that they need.  The support of a caring professional counselor can help a person acquire a better understand their feelings and can assist with improving mental wellness and resiliency. 

by Liza Hinchey, LLPC

Liza Hinchey is a Limited Licensed Professional Counselor (LLPC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. Liza completed dual Master’s degrees in Clinical Mental Health Counseling and Art Therapy from Wayne State University, and works with individuals, families, and groups across a range of presenting issues.

For the past several years, the word “mindfulness” has been heard just about everywhere…but what exactly does it mean? And just as importantly, why does it work?
 
Mindfulness can most easily be understood as a focus on the present moment, whether this moment is pleasant, uncomfortable, boring, ecstatic, or anything else. It means not getting swept away in the tide of thoughts that constantly swirls in our minds, and instead taking a breath, settling, and observing our experience without judgment.
 
Mindfulness is such a positive force in counseling because, by definition, it counteracts two of the most universal struggles we have as human beings: guilt and anxiety. Stripped down to their essence, guilt is a focus on the past, and anxiety a focus on the future. Naturally, learning to be present in the now is a remedy for both. And after all, are we truly ever anywhere but…now? Mindfulness helps us remain in the moment, the only place where our lives are really happening.
 
Once we are able to focus on our experiences without judgment, we can start to make changes to how we react to these moments, and thus change our lives. We can begin to approach each experience, no matter how difficult, with our calm, centered selves. “No pain, no gain” is a myth. Instead, we can observe how we feel in the now, take a breath, and find the ease in any moment.

by Deb Toering, LPC, NCC, BCPCC

Deb Toering is a Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor (BCPCC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to working with a wide range of client populations and presenting issues, Deb is also an engaging public speaker. She has spoken in front of various groups across a range of topics including marriage, bullying, ADHD/ADD, and teen leadership.

Navigating the world of friendship begins to feel more overwhelming as our children reach middle school. If your child has ADHD, the journey is even more complicated. Symptoms of ADHD like fidgeting, impulsivity, and distractibility, are not friendly companions to a middle school conversation.

These are symptoms that are not easily controlled. The ability to listen without interrupting may be hindered by the distracted ADHD mind that is going in many different directions. Good conversational skills include a give and take rhythm and the ability to stay on topic.  If a child talks too much without listening, interrupts others, or is not paying attention, they can be viewed as not caring, selfish or rude.
 
What’s a parent to do? It is heartbreaking to have your child report that he is feeling left out of former circles of friends. Invite another child over for an activity; perhaps one who is a bit younger so that they are social equals. Observe from afar the interactions so that you can see what might be going wrong. Role play other ways the interactions could have gone.
 
Children need to know that social skills take time to learn and must be practiced. We are all growing in our ability to communicate, resolve differences and initiate with new people. Your job as a parent is to model healthy friendships, observe your child’s interactions with others, coach, reward progress made, and if necessary, consult with a professional counselor who understands ADHD.

by Tonya Ratliff, LPC, NCC, ACS

Tonya Ratliff is the Owner and Director of Counseling Services for Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to her individual, couple, and family clients, Tonya is also the lead facilitator of the Walk With Me® Grief Support Group, an aftercare program sponsored by Wm. Sullivan and Son Funeral Home in Utica, MI.

Everyone is grieving when a family loses a loved one. However, not everyone is grieving in the same way. Once each person moves beyond the initial stage of shock in response to the death, there can be significant differences in each individual’s experience of the loss. These unanticipated differences often present an added layer of confusion and despair for the individual mourners, and can result in discord within the family unit as a whole.
 
When we anticipate a loss, we often assume that our closest family members will be the ones to support us through our grief. However, each family member’s experience will be unique to them; influenced by a wide range of features specific to the individual’s age and stage of life at the time of their loss and to their relationship to the deceased.
 
Other factors influencing our experience include:

• the stability and intensity of our relationship with the deceased at the time of their death
• the age of the deceased at the time of their death
• whether the death was sudden or anticipated
• whether the death occurred as a result of natural causes or from an accident or tragedy

 
The task for family members is to recognize these factors and not assume that their spouse, parent, sibling, or child is feeling as they are at any given moment in time. Support offered by others outside the family, or in a grief support group can provide the understanding we need to process our grief on our own terms.

by Debbie Caine, LLPC (Pending)

Debbie Caine a Limited Licensed Professional Counselor (LLPC) in private practice at  Trinity Family Counseling Center. She completed her Master’s degrees in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Oakland University, and works with individuals, couples, families, and groups across a range of presenting issues.

Mindfulness is being fully present in the moment.  It is experiencing the world that is firmly planted in the “here and now”.  How much of our lives do we spend in autopilot?  How many times have we been driving and realized we have been thinking about our to-do list?

Mindfulness is the opposite of being in autopilot.  It allows us to free ourselves of automatic and unhelpful ways of thinking.  By staying in the present, we eliminate depressive thoughts of the past and anxious thoughts of the future.  It aims to shift our focus away from thinking to simply observing thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations with a kind and gentle curiosity.  It is acknowledging our experience in a non-judgmental way and creating an awareness of our mind, body, and spirit.

Mindfulness is a skill that takes time to develop.  There are several techniques used to practice mindfulness.  Breathing and meditation are two key components used in training.  A few examples of exercises in mindfulness include; body scanning, mindful eating, grounding by use of the five senses, music, gardening, art, walking, yoga, practicing gratitude, and praying.

Bringing our attention to the internal and external experiences occurring in the present moment is essential.  Think of it as getting into the zone, pressing the pause button, or putting the phone away.  Mindfulness is paying attention to your life as if it really mattered.

“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.”
Ecclesiastes 3:1

by Wendy Warner, LPC, NCC

Wendy Warner is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to working with couples, children, and individuals, Wendy also enjoys teaching the premarital classes for all couples planning to marry at Immanuel Lutheran Church, Macomb.

Whether we are a parent, spouse or friend, most would like to be thought of as someone who builds others up.

If we listened to ourselves, what would we hear? Do we take opportunities to speak appreciation? Do we believe the best about each other? Or in “jest” do we put people down; use condemning words that show exasperation, or communicate we don’t have faith in others? “Could you look up from your phone once in a while?”  “I figured you would be late.” “Nice going genius.” “Did it even occur to you to call?”
 
Colossians 3:12-13 speaks about clothing ourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. It calls us to bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances we have against one another. To be clothed in something implies you can see it on someone immediately. Do my words speak noticeable compassion and kindness? Do my facial expressions and tone represent visible humility, gentleness and patience? Do I typically convey I’m trying to bear with family members and forgive rather than hanging onto grievances?
 
I have learned in my own relationships and as a Christian counselor the impact of choosing respect and humility over sarcasm. When the effort is made to use kind and patient questions, the other person feels valued and understood rather than belittled.
 
What are you clothed with? Is it time to change your wardrobe of words? The changes in relationships are worth the effort, but will require practice. Try wearing gentleness tomorrow.