The Speck that Infects a Relationship

by Deb Toering, LPC, NCC, BCPCC

Deb Toering is a Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor (BCPCC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to working with a wide range of client populations and presenting issues, Deb is also an engaging public speaker. She has spoken in front of various groups across a range of topics including marriage, bullying, ADHD/ADD, and teen leadership.

We can easily justify our own bad behavior by focusing more on the hurtful things our partner does or doesn’t do than on our own wrongdoing. We believe we have the right to be angry and to express that anger in unkind ways; one partner fires an insult, the other retaliates with something more hurtful. One voice is raised, the other continues at an even higher decibel. One withdrawals, the other pretends not to care. Oh how we hurt each other and end up feeling lonely, unloved and miserable. Our behavior is shameful, yet we no longer seem to feel any remorse. What has gone wrong?

Jesus addresses this problem when He asks a very unsettling question in Matthew 7:3,”Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?”

God knows our human tendency to want to blame rather than accept responsibility for our own behavior. It is difficult to see our own part of the problem. If we sincerely ask God to show us, He will reveal our sorry thoughts and motives. Our sorrow will lead to change and our asking for forgiveness. The vicious, infectious cycles of anger, blame and unforgiveness will come to an end, resulting in a newfound peace and joy. You will find healing in your relationship that will lead to an even greater intimacy.