Is There Hope After An Affair?

by Deb Toering, LPC, NCC, BCPCC

Deb Toering is a Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor (BCPCC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to working with a wide range of client populations and presenting issues, Deb is also an engaging public speaker. She has spoken in front of various groups across a range of topics including marriage, bullying, ADHD/ADD, and teen leadership.

You receive the dreaded call informing you that your husband is having an affair. Your world as you know it begins to spin out of control.  After you pick yourself up off the floor, you begin to put the pieces together. The late nights at the office, his going to bed after you, the growing distance between you…

You confront him. He admits the affair has been going on for a few months.  He must choose. He cannot have both. He realizes that he does not want to lose you, so he breaks off the relationship.

Can you ever trust him again? Will you be compared to her?  Will the rage ever subside? How can you ever forgive him? The nightmares are unending. You need help.

A competent marital counselor will be able to help you sort through the hurt and rage. The unfaithful husband needs to understand your hurt.  You both must see the circumstances that led to the affair.  What areas of your relationship need strengthening? Yes, you can gradually begin to trust as he does everything possible to help you feel safe.  And yes, someday you may be able to forgive this man who caused you so much hurt.

The work of restoration is extremely difficult. It requires patience, a broken and remorseful heart, humility and grace. Is it possible? Yes! The marriage will never be the same, but something new and wonderful can unfold. Yes, there is hope!