by Tonya Ratliff, LPC, ACS

Tonya Ratliff is the Owner and Director of Counseling Services for Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to her individual, couple, and family clients, Tonya is also the lead facilitator of the Walk With Me® Grief Support Group, an aftercare program sponsored by Wm. Sullivan and Son Funeral Home in Utica, MI.

It’s a phenomenon that occurs for all counselors, no matter our area of expertise or years of experience. Our client has begun attending regular sessions, we’ve done a thorough investigation into the initial presenting issue that brought them into therapy, we’ve established a strong rapport, and all seems to be going smoothly. As the counselor in the room, we are ready to dig deep and begin the work.
 
Once trust has been well established, and our client feels safe, they often find themselves revealing much deeper and distressing challenges in their life.
 
As the counselor, we are engaged and eager to work through this deeper stuff, and believe that ‘this’ is what really brought our client into therapy. Then, the unimaginable happens. The client cancels their next appointment. Or worse, they simply don’t show up. They do not respond to our call or text inquiry. Basically, we’ve been ghosted.
 
We’ve gotten too close to the fire.
 
We’ve finally gotten to the real issue, the real problem, the trauma from their past, the depth of the dysfunction of their relationship… It is something which provokes embarrassment, shame, or guilt for them. When this happens - rather than enduring the stress of the revelation - the client will choose not to return.
 
My colleagues and I often discuss this phenomenon. Occasionally, we realize that we sensed where the work needed to go, but we moved too quickly to get there. That’s on us.
 
However, more often than not, the client simply felt overwhelmed with what they had revealed. Their ‘fight or flight’ impulse kicked in… and they fled!
 
But this is the time to stay.
 
The safety that was there for the client when their revelation occurred will still be there moving forward. The client’s privacy and confidentiality will be honored.* The opportunity to finally confront this ‘thing’ they have carried for years - maybe even a lifetime - is real and possible. The assistance of a skilled counselor and the courage necessary to confront the issue, can offer true and enduring relief from the carried pain and suffering. Once the issue has been thoroughly discussed and the resulting feelings felt, the client will be able to move forward with a renewed sense of purpose, and their time spent in counseling will have been a truly life-changing experience.
 
The fire doesn’t extinguish itself.
Stay.
Feel the heat.
Extinguish the flames once and for all.
You and your future are worth the work.
 
*If the client has revealed that they are at risk of harm to themselves or others, or that they themselves are in imminent danger, then the provision of privacy and confidentiality must be breached, per the counselor’s professional licensure requirements. This exception to the promise of privacy and confidentiality will have been discussed at the beginning of the therapeutic relationship.

by Tonya Ratliff, LPC, NCC, ACS

Tonya Ratliff is the Owner and Director of Counseling Services for Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to her individual, couple, and family clients, Tonya is also the lead facilitator of the Walk With Me® Grief Support Group, an aftercare program sponsored by Wm. Sullivan and Son Funeral Home in Utica, MI.

Counseling services have historically been conducted in a private room with the client and counselor face-to-face.

The COVID-19 pandemic changed everything. Here at Trinity, we made the informed decision to close our doors to in-person services on March 18, 2020. For the following 11 months, we were forced to conduct all our services virtually using a telehealth platform from our homes. Once we were back in the office, we had many clients excited to return, initially wearing masks in session. However, we had just as many clients still highly reluctant to return in-person. To this day, there are a few clients that I met, counseled, and discharged who I have never actually met! It’s been a crazy time for clients and counselors alike.
 
And now, with the world (mostly) back to “normal,” we find some clients continuing with virtual sessions, and a few new clients asking if virtual sessions are still on option? Not surprisingly, there are many counseling practices that have remained entirely virtual. For practice owners, there are some advantages to moving to an entirely virtual practice. But what about clients? How are virtual sessions different -  if at all - than sitting face-to-face with your counselor?
 
Let’s consider a few features of both options. First, two positive aspects associated with virtual sessions:
 
1) Convenience
There is no doubt that the convenience of engaging with your counselor from your own home is appealing. No commute time, no traffic, no gas usage, and the most efficient use of time. For many clients, these are some significant pros to virtual sessions. The ability to log on from work during their lunch hour, for example, precludes the need to commit to an evening appointment, away from their family.
 
2) Safety and Comfort
Many clients struggling with certain types of anxiety have reported feeling safer in their own home.  With that sense of overall safety, can also come a deeper level of vulnerability in discussing the really ‘tough stuff’ with their counselor.
 
Comfort is another factor when attending counseling from one’s home. It can be argued that there is less stress in talking about difficult issues when you feel comfortable physically. We have seen clients routinely log on to their session from their bedrooms and their beds!
 
Next, let’s look at some of the pros of in-person counseling sessions:
 
1) Immediacy
One of the hallmarks of positive engagement with a professional counselor is the interpersonal relationship that develops between the parties. Rapport, a sense of emotional safety, and trust are essential for the client to be willing to reveal the details of their circumstances, and the depth with which they suffer. After all, the issues bringing the client into counseling have likely been troubling them for some time. It takes tremendous courage to make that initial call for help.
 
The ability for the client to experience immediate and uninterrupted attention, support, and validation from their counselor can mean the difference between finally taking that initial step forward toward change - or continuing to feel ‘stuck’ and often times, hopeless. Immediacy in a counseling session offers the opportunity for that “a-ha” moment that is so often thought of as a goal of the counseling experience.
 
2) Accountability
Accountability is defined as, “…an assurance that an individual will be evaluated on their performance or behavior related to something for which they are responsible…”
 
In the counseling arena, this means that clients are asked to “own” their thoughts, words, choices, actions, mistakes, and misdeeds. The counselor’s ability to address these issues and to hold the client accountable involves not allowing the client to make excuses, deny, or avoid their responsibility for their circumstances. This can be a powerful moment between client and counselor, and the beginning of the client’s recognition of the things they have the power to change. Being held accountable is often much more impactful when confronted face-to-face.

3) Privacy and Confidentiality
For many clients, privacy and confidentiality are of extreme importance. As counselors, we are ethically and legally responsible to protect our clients’ privacy, and to assure their confidentiality to the best of our ability. This includes things like protecting the contents of their records, obtaining a Release of Information form in order to discuss a client with another professional or family member, and most importantly, simply assuring our client that their conversation is with us - and us alone. * The private counseling room offers the best possible opportunity to honor these needs.
 
Every client opting for virtual sessions should be informed that there are limits to our ability to guarantee privacy and confidentiality in a virtual scenario. For example, another person in their home - in another room - could overhear their session, or someone could unexpectedly walk into the room uninvited and overhear their session. And, while the professional counselor should be conducting the session from a private, soundproof area of their home or office, the reality is that many do not. Therefore, the client cannot know for certain that the session is private from the counselor’s end of the connection.
 
4) Confidence that the session will occur and not be interrupted!
An in-person session is a commitment of 50-minutes, uninterrupted by both the counselor and the client. We have all had our share of intermittent internet connections, difficulty connecting at all, and dropped connection once initiated, when conducting any type of exchange over the internet. There is no quicker way to have a virtual counseling session go awry, than to experience the frustration of internet sabotage!
 
Finally, having conducted virtual sessions with my own clients extensively for the past 2 ½ years, I can say without a doubt, that I prefer seeing my clients in-person! I am able to gain insight as a result of witnessing my client’s body language, physical demeanor, and unfiltered and immediate emotion. I also know that I personally bring more energy and more focus to the experience of having a client seated before me, than behind a screen!
 
While virtual sessions can offer convenience, safety, and comfort for clients, I believe that the features of immediacy, accountability, privacy, confidentiality, and certainty of the dedicated time are all the reasons I need to continue to encourage in-person sessions with my current and future clients.
 
See you in the session room!
 
* Exceptions to this promise, dictated by law, are topics related to harm to others or self-harm.

​by Liza Hinchey, LLPC, NCC

Liza Hinchey is a Limited Licensed Professional Counselor (LLPC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. Liza completed dual Master’s degrees in Clinical Mental Health Counseling and Art Therapy from Wayne State University, and works with individuals, families, and groups across a range of presenting issues.

In any therapeutic relationship, trust is one of the most important factors in supporting positive change. If you are interested in counseling services for a minor, as a parent or guardian, it is important to understand the conditions that help your child build trust with their counselor so that they can get the most out of their experience.
 
In a counseling setting, children and adolescents must feel that they have a safe place to explore their thoughts, emotions, and goals. With your understanding in advance, we shall keep what your child says or does confidential, within age appropriate limits. Depending on the age of the minor in therapy, the parent(s)/guardian(s) and the counselor will discuss what confidentiality will look like, prior to beginning treatment. For example, counseling a very young child will require the counselor and parents to communicate in much more detail about what happens during sessions than counseling a 16-year-old.
 
However, there are always going to be several exceptions to this confidentiality, regardless of the age of the minor. A counselor will share with the parent(s)/guardian(s) any information which is necessary for the safety of their child or adolescent, in addition to any information that is required by law, including if a client expresses that they plan to harm themselves or others, or if they report child or elder abuse. In these scenarios, counselors are required to break confidentiality, whether the client is a minor or an adult.
 
Aside from safety issues, if a counselor believes that it would be helpful to share additional details with the parent(s) /guardian(s), the counselor will usually discuss this with the child and initially encourage them to do so themselves. This would occur more often with older children and adolescents, as with young children the counselor may need to do more of the talking to parents themselves. Of course, if the child does not want to share with their parents but the counselor still believes it would be very helpful, the counselor may still choose to share information with the parent when appropriate.
 
Parent(s)/guardian(s) also always have the right to ask questions regarding general progress and the therapeutic process, and to offer feedback regarding their interactions with their child and their observations in various settings. In this way, counselors and parents work as a team. We as counselors greatly value your consultations with us and your involvement, as it helps us help your child more effectively. We will discuss with you during our initial meeting how you can participate effectively in your child's specific treatment and progress outside of counseling.
 
Depending on the age of the child, it may also be appropriate to schedule additional meetings with the parent(s)/guardian(s) to discuss progress or address their questions or concerns. Parent(s)/guardian(s) can feel free to share information that they feel may be important for the counselor to know at any time, however due to time constraints, a counselor may not always be able to respond in a thorough manner. That does not mean that your communications are not valued, however, as the information you share is always helpful for us!

That said, if parent(s)/guardian(s) would like to have a more in-depth discussion with a counselor regarding their child, we also offer in-person meetings or phone consultations. Occasionally meeting with parents can be a very useful part of the “teamwork” aspect of a young child’s counseling and is always an available option.​

At Trinity Family Counseling Center, we are committed to helping our younger clients, and we are grateful for the trust that you put in us to do so while upholding confidentiality. Our counselors recognize that it can be difficult for parents to be unaware of all the details of their child’s counseling, so we also want to express our appreciation to you for taking this step for your child’s well-being. In return, we are committed to encouraging open communication between your child and you, and we will do everything in our power to help your child achieve their goals and improve their mental health.

​by Liza Hinchey, LLPC, NCC

Liza Hinchey is a Limited Licensed Professional Counselor (LLPC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. Liza completed dual Master’s degrees in Clinical Mental Health Counseling and Art Therapy from Wayne State University, and works with individuals, families, and groups across a range of presenting issues.

While some of my younger clients are indeed comfortable sitting on my couch and talking for a full session, more often than not an environment that incorporates play into the therapeutic relationship is more productive and welcoming for young children.
 
For some, depending on their personality and developmental level, play is more of an “ice breaker,” or a non-threatening way to help them feel comfortable opening up to a therapist. They play with their guardians and their teachers, so this familiar activity can help them feel at ease. In these scenarios, we may actually be engaging in more traditional “talk therapy”—we just happen to be playing a game at the same time.
 
For other children, the play itself may be the main therapeutic focus. Children will often act out events and emotions that are occurring in reality in the parallel universe of play. The therapist can then communicate with them by participating in the game, guiding the child to work through feelings and struggles indirectly.
 
And for all children, play therapy allows them to express concepts or feelings that are difficult to put into words, gives them the undivided attention of an adult who isn’t a parent or teacher, and provides them with a safe, accepting space to be themselves. With these conditions, children can experience enormous growth, learning key emotional skills that they can one day carry with them into their adult lives.

by Wendy Warner, LPC, NCC

Wendy Warner is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to working with couples, children, and individuals, Wendy also enjoys teaching the premarital classes for all couples planning to marry at Immanuel Lutheran Church, Macomb.

Someone recently wished me a good day as a counselor with, “Give good advice!” It struck me that many people may see that as the role of a counselor. I have also heard spouses share their partner’s reluctance to join couples counseling because, “They don’t need someone to tell them what to do.” There are many reasons to go to a counselor and benefits to gain from the experience. However, the role of a counselor is actually not to give advice.
 
Here are some reasons to seek counseling you may not have thought of:

• Talking to someone that is objective, caring and skilled at listening to what is troubling you can provide relief as you process how you want to move forward.
• Processing a difficult matter with someone you trust to keep it confidential when you are not ready to share it with family members or friends.
• Seeking insight of someone trained to help you cope with the issue that brought you to counseling whether it be anxiety, depression, marital problems, grief, parenting, anger, etc.
• Gaining the facilitating skills of a counselor to keep family or couple discussions calmer and more productive.
• Finding someone for a struggling child, adolescent or teen to talk to in a safe, confidential place.

 
Each of these examples is about developing a relationship with a trusted counselor that allows you to process your issue in a safe setting that promotes insight and growth.
 
Thinking about it? Give it a try.

by Liza Hinchey, LLPC

Liza Hinchey is a Limited Licensed Professional Counselor (LLPC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. Liza completed dual Master’s degrees in Clinical Mental Health Counseling and Art Therapy from Wayne State University, and works with individuals, families, and groups across a range of presenting issues.

Neuroplasticity refers to the brain’s ability to change over the course of our lives, and is one of the most helpful concepts to grasp in order to understand how therapy works.
 
Imagine your current ways of thinking as paths in the woods. Whenever a certain belief about yourself or the world originated, that pathway was not yet worn in—but after years of “walking” that path, the ground became worn and easy to travel. Our brains create many paths like this throughout our lives, for better or worse. Sometimes the beliefs that created a path are rooted in self-compassion—but at other times they might involve self-doubt or self-hatred.
 
In these cases, we can take advantage of the brain’s ability to forge new pathways and create healthier ways of thinking. Starting a new path with a more helpful thought process isn’t always easy at first. It’s most likely covered in brambles, complicated by tree branches, and full of confusing twists and turns. 
 
But, the more you practice walking this new path, the more your footsteps will wear a clear trail through the woods. And by practicing walking on the new path, the old pathways (of self-hate, insecurity, shame, etc.) will start to fade as the brambles creep back and the forest swallows them up again. You might come across one of them again one day. You might even start to walk down it. But it will be weaker now, while your new pathways of self-love will be strong and clear.

by Liza Hinchey, LLPC

Liza Hinchey is a Limited Licensed Professional Counselor (LLPC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. Liza completed dual Master’s degrees in Clinical Mental Health Counseling and Art Therapy from Wayne State University, and works with individuals, families, and groups across a range of presenting issues.

When most people think about art therapy, they think of how it can be helpful for children (which is in no way incorrect!).

Children can benefit from art therapy in many ways. Art offers the ability to access a nonverbal method of communicating thoughts and feelings that many children simply don’t have the vocabulary for yet. It also offers a less intimidating way to interact with a therapist.

However, that doesn’t mean that adults can’t receive similar benefits from art in a therapy setting!
 
Creative therapies are just as helpful for adults as they are for children.  No matter what your age, it can sometimes be difficult to put your feelings into words. Art allows them to flow freely onto the paper instead. The best part is--there is no artistic talent necessary to access these benefits!

I have met many clients who did not think they could try art therapy because they were not artists. However, that couldn’t be further from the truth. As long as you are willing to be open-minded, there is no reason that you could not include art in your therapeutic journey.
 
All in all, participating in art therapy is an act of self-exploration, and that is something to which all ages can relate. My clients who choose art therapy as part of their treatment often discover insights about themselves that they may not have reached otherwise. I can then help them process the emotions that arise through their art, so they can begin healing.

by Wendy Warner, LPC, NCC

Wendy Warner is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to working with couples, children, and individuals, Wendy also enjoys teaching the premarital classes for all couples planning to marry at Immanuel Lutheran Church, Macomb.

As a counselor who works with hurting couples, I am often struck by the timing of the call for help. Many couples seek counseling after years of marriage stating they have been hurting for a long time but did not know how to address it with each other.  In some cases, one member of the couple is so hurt and angry, they struggle to find a desire to restore a marriage with someone they deeply resent. After one or two sessions of counseling, the angriest spouse gives up and files for divorce. This is a tragedy that could have been prevented in most cases.

When is the right time to pursue help in a hurting marriage? Think of it like a crack in the foundation of your house.  If you address it when it is merely a crack, there will be less damage to repair.  However, if you ignore it, you will have major damage to multiple areas that need repair. Here are some signs that it might be time to call a counselor:

• It does not feel safe to share feelings openly and honestly
• Conflicts are shut down and not resolved
• Criticism and defensiveness are a regular part of your communication
• You are lonely, craving more closeness and connection

If you have considered finding a couples counselor who can be objective and provide support, I encourage you to heed that inner nudge and take action. Any time is better than not seeking help. However, why wait?

by Tonya Ratliff, LPC, NCC, ACS

Tonya Ratliff is the Owner and Director of Counseling Services for Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to her individual, couple, and family clients, Tonya is also the lead facilitator of the Walk With Me® Grief Support Group, an aftercare program sponsored by Wm. Sullivan and Son Funeral Home in Utica, MI.

I speak to people every week who are seeking information about counseling services. For some, counseling is familiar. For others, the idea is anxiety-producing, even as they have come to realize the need for some objective perspective on the problem(s) they are experiencing. Many have the mistaken expectation that a professional counselor will provide advice about what they should do. In fact, some folks are upset when I explain that advice giving is not my role.

With my clients, I prefer to stress the multitude of choices that we each make day-in and day-out that impact the quality of our lives and relationships. Some choices are good ones, some are bad; some propel us forward, some set us back. It is so easy to feel ‘stuck’ with the outcome of our poor choices, that we are sometimes unable to gain a new perspective on our own. Yet, everyone has the opportunity to make different choices.

Rather than offer advice, I view my role as one of assisting my client in recognizing the consequences of their past choices, sorting out new options, and gathering the courage to choose differently. With increased self-awareness and insight, the ability to figure out their own solution is far more powerful than any advice I could ever offer!

For example, consider the question: “What should I do?” I might reply with, “What could you do?” This simple—yet powerful—reframe of the client’s question opens the door to multiple possibilities that now provide the opportunity to consider new choices.

by Deb Toering, LPC, NCC, BCPCC

Deb Toering is a Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor (BCPCC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to working with a wide range of client populations and presenting issues, Deb is also an engaging public speaker. She has spoken in front of various groups across a range of topics including marriage, bullying, ADHD/ADD, and teen leadership.

Some may think Christian counseling consists of a counselor sharing a Bible verse and a prayer at the end of the session. It might look like this, but really it is so much more. The counselor must have an understanding of life from a Biblical perspective. Knowledge of God and His nature, and man in relation to Him, is foundational. Seeing problems and solutions from God’s viewpoint is what makes counseling Christian. The counselor’s role is not to offer simplistic answers such as, “ trust  more” or “ pray harder”, but to help clients  think Biblically; consistently encouraging clients toward a deeper relationship with God, an accurate understanding of themselves, and a more practical application of His Word to their lives.

Themes of forgiveness, grace, trust, holiness, obedience and prayer may weave their way through the tapestry of the counseling process.  The Bible has much to say about how we are to think, speak, and act as well as what our relationships should look like. The human heart longs for a secure identity, a meaningful purpose and a love that is unconditional. As human beings, we need to know we can be forgiven. A relationship with God through Jesus Christ provides all of this and so much more.

So often there is a disconnect between what we know is true and what we experience.  The disconnect is minimized through prayer and meditation on the Scriptures. A skilled Biblical counselor will help clients understand their core beliefs and then dismantle those that are faulty and replace them with the truth. Romans 12:2 tells us that our minds need to be transformed. True wisdom and insight is found in God’s word, not in human understanding or feelings. Our thoughts, feelings and behavior need to be examined in light of the Bible, which, for the Christian, is the ultimate source of truth and instruction (2 Timothy3:16-17). Depending upon human wisdom alone is risky business. The One who created us has provided a manual for us to live by; it is the truth that sheds light on all the dark places in our lives.  It is the truth that reveals the depth of God’s love and grace, and it is the truth that sets us free.  Human beings were designed to be in relationship with their Creator; however sin has gotten in the way. Jesus Christ is the Mediator between a holy God and sinful man. It is through acknowledging our sin and accepting Christ’s gift of salvation that we are born from above and given a new identity in Christ.

A Christian approach to counseling offers hope and meaning when there seems to be no hope or when life doesn’t make sense. No matter what challenges life brings, hope comes from knowing that nothing can separate us from the love of God (Romans 8:38-39) and that in every circumstance He is working for good (Romans 8:28-29). The good is that we are becoming more like Christ.

Christian counseling is respectful, understanding, patient, kind, always seeking to see the best and always in prayer for wisdom and direction. It does not push but waits for the Holy Spirit to convict, reveal truth, direct and heal. Perhaps the greatest gift the counselor can give is to see the client though the eyes of Christ and continue to direct the client toward Him; the desired end being more and more dependence upon Christ.