I want you to think about your childhood.
What was it like as a child, as an adolescent or a teen? What did you yearn for more of from your parent or parents, family members or caregiver? Did you want more time with those you loved or did you wish for more help with school or navigating relationships? Did you wish you could talk through issues more or that there was less yelling and harsh words surrounding conflicts? Did it feel like your parents knew about your world, cared about it, supported you?
So many adults I work with as a counselor have had childhoods that reflect neglect, abuse, addiction in the home, or an atmosphere high on conflict and low on love. Through no fault of their own, they were given the message that they were unimportant or a burden. They lived with fear, loneliness, sadness, uncertainty and anger. That environment shapes what a person believes to be true about themselves and others. If you are raised with parents who break promises, you learn to not trust people. If you are raised by caregivers who say you won’t amount to anything, you might just live up to the expectation set for you.
If you are now a parent, a grandparent, an uncle or even a neighbor of a child, you have an opportunity. You can be the voice that affirms them. You can be the person who is interested in their day, their efforts and encourages them to shoot high. Research has shown it takes five positive encounters to offset one negative comment. Most kids are on the receiving end of criticism from family, peers, themselves. What if you were the person that observed and called out the good in them? What if you were thought of as the person who is kind and gentle to them? So many adults tell kids and teens what they should do. Deeper connections are typically made when questions are asked to discover their interests, their concerns, their victories, even just from this week.
The bottom line is that childhood is rough at times for most of us. Some kids however are really struggling. Struggling to feel worthy of love, to feel safe, to be seen. If there is one strong connection pouring into that child, it can make all the difference in how they view themselves and others in future relationships.
