Feeling Disrespected in a Relationship?

by Wendy Warner, LPC, NCC

Wendy Warner is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to working with couples, children, and individuals, Wendy also enjoys teaching the premarital classes for all couples planning to marry at Immanuel Lutheran Church, Macomb.

Is there someone who imposes on your time, doesn’t speak to you in a respectful way, or operates as if their perspective is the only one that matters? If any of these scenarios ring true for you, you have someone in your life that is violating your personal boundaries.

The good news? You have a lot of control over how much disrespect you choose to endure. You are responsible for the way people treat you in terms of what you will allow to continue in the relationship. It is really up to us to recognize when someone thinks it’s okay to treat us badly and how we choose to respond.

As a parent you may choose to allow your child to throw a tantrum to get what they want. If they get the desired item that way, you are rewarding the tantrum, so you will be seeing a lot of tantrums. As adults, we can communicate that we will not cave to bad behavior, and it is likely the bad behavior will decrease or discontinue. How do we draw that boundary line?

We must first think we are worthy of respect before we will insist upon it from others. If we respectfully challenge disrespectful behavior, the other person will recognize we expect our needs to be taken seriously too. By assertively owning what we need and want, we greatly increase the odds of receiving it. This leads to a more balanced relationship where both parties are giving and receiving respect.