Breakups are not just “hard.” Often, they are excruciatingly painful, even traumatic. But since breakups are such a common life experience – and yep, most people have gone through at least one, if not more – parents or well-meaning friends can minimize the anguish.
We have all heard the platitudes. “Everyone goes through breakups.” “You’ll find someone else.” “You’re better off without them.” “It wasn’t meant to be.” When you are reeling from a painful breakup, though, especially if it was unexpected and undesired, those comments may not bring any comfort.
With a breakup there can be the sting of rejection or betrayal. There can be so much grief and loss. There can also be confusion and unending questions. You can become preoccupied with searching your memories of the relationship for clues to what went wrong. You may obsess over the options you could pursue. Should you seek more understanding or let things lie? What about social media? Friend groups?
Most critically, a painful breakup may put you in a prolonged pit of despair. As time goes by, if you are not bouncing back and are still feeling a lot of pain, you may wonder: Will I ever be OK?
Exploring and processing all your feelings about your breakup can be immensely helpful for healing. And not surprisingly, research points to correlations between traits linked to resiliency, such as self-esteem, grit and optimism, and the ability to recover after a breakup. Drawing out these traits within yourself and working to further develop them can help not only with moving forward after a breakup, but also with other hard stuff in life.
Many people find therapy supportive in the post-breakup period. A professional counselor can help you process the hurt, tap into resilience, and find the way to be OK.
