You are concerned about your college student.
He doesn’t seem to be engaged with school; not talking about his classes. You know he has early classes but based on his lack of response to your text messages, you are sensing he is sleeping in instead. The first semester seemed to go okay; although still, you feel he is underachieving. How is a parent to understand an adult child who seems to have so much potential yet seemingly is wasting his time and your money?
Many college students with ADHD “fall apart” when they go off to college. Why?
If they are taking medication, they may not be taking it consistently. They may have never learned the skills needed to do school, skating by without even studying much in high school. They are on their own; without anyone waking them up to make it to those early classes or checking in to see how the homework is going. People with ADHD have extreme difficulty regulating their sleep. Because they cannot shut down their very active brains, they stay up late and are unable to wake up early. The planning, organization and follow through required to work on long term projects and assignments can be extremely challenging.
These students may start off with good intentions but if they see no purpose in their studies, or are lacking interest, they will easily just give up. Things begin to pile up and overwhelm takes over, leading to inaction and then shame. The shame keeps them from reaching out for help and so avoidance seems to be the easy solution.
What is the answer to all of this heartache?
It is helpful to understand how the ADHD brain is wired; what are its strengths and weaknesses. A counselor who understands ADHD can help with understanding what went wrong and find specific areas to work on with the student. Some students can benefit greatly from career counseling. Finding a clear sense of direction and passion for studies is what will be helpful for the student to persist, not only in school but in life.
A “failed” school year can be a blessing in disguise if it results in a clearer understanding of the role ADHD has played, what went wrong and how to make the necessary changes for success. One semester need not define the rest of life.
