Is It Really Just a Friendly Conversation?

by Wendy Warner, LPC, NCC

Wendy Warner is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. In addition to working with couples, children, and individuals, Wendy also enjoys teaching the premarital classes for all couples planning to marry at Immanuel Lutheran Church, Macomb.

Have you heard that a frog will sit in a pot of water on a stove unaware that the temperature is rising until it boils and cooks him? He is fully capable of jumping out and saving himself, but he doesn’t because he does not realize he is in danger.

Couples that dabble in social media relationships are a lot like frogs. It might begin innocently enough when someone starts chatting with an old friend from high school or texting with a co-worker. The conversations don’t seem like a threat to anyone’s marriage and they slowly become more frequent. By the time feelings are developing or a spouse stumbles upon the messages exchanged, it’s too late to jump out. You’re already cooked.

Here are two crucial red flags to recognize to protect your marriage. If you find yourself having any kind of exchange with someone that would make you uncomfortable to share with your spouse, it needs to stop immediately. If you look forward to connecting to this online relationship more than talking with your spouse, you are sharing your heart with the wrong person. You need to be taking that relationship building effort to your marriage, not to someone else.

If you realize that it has been a while since you looked forward to spending time with your spouse, it is critical to address that sooner rather than later. Be honest with yourselves about the status of your relationship and seek couples counseling to regain your connection with each other.