Handling Strong Emotions: The Unsung Strategy of “Not Making Things Worse”

by Sherrie Darnell, LLC, NCC

Sherrie Darnell is a Limited Licensed Counselor (LLC) in private practice at Trinity Family Counseling Center. Sherrie’s view of counseling is that it works best as a collaborative effort. She believes each person and situation is unique, and she works to facilitate her clients’ self-exploration to help them uncover the solutions that work for them and their unique strengths. She uses supported strategies and theories, combined with empathy and non-judgmental acceptance, to help you achieve your goals.

Sometimes less is more.

This can be true when we are in emotional upheaval. When our mood is sinking, our anger is surging, or our anxiety is spiking (or all these are happening simultaneously), we want to feel better. But strategies that may work when we are more emotionally balanced may not help when we are extremely upset. And what seems like a fix in the moment may compound our problems or create new ones.
 
Sometimes the practical thing to do until strong emotions subside, which they will, is to focus on not making things worse. It is an ironic but empowering strategy that fosters self-control. For example, when we are very upset, we can:
 

• Not confront the person we are upset with. When strong emotions rule, we will likely “add insult to injury” rather than make progress on the problem.

 

• Not make decisions, especially bigger ones. In these times, things can also seem more pressing than they really are.

 

• Not take on unnecessary stressors. And we can be mindful that our usual activities may be too stressful in times of upset.

 
So then, exactly what do we do with ourselves while we are not confronting others, not making decisions, and not engaging in activities or tasks that may add stress?
 
That will look a little different for everyone. Through trial and error, we can identify our own best practices for times of emotional dysregulation. But asking ourselves honestly, “Will it possibly make things worse?” can help us make wiser choices until our strong emotions ease up.
 
Working with a counselor can help when we find ourselves repeatedly reacting to our emotions in unhelpful ways. Talking through things can uncover keys to change, and approaches like dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) offer in-the-moment tools for when we are flooded with feelings.
 
But on the road to making things better, we can start, simply but powerfully, with not making things worse.

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