We all have a couple of annoying persons in our lives who tend to interrupt; not just occasionally but habitually. It can be hard to get a thought out without their jumping in and flooding the conversation with their ideas. They don’t seem to care about what you are saying. You feel so unheard and disrespected. In frustration, you may even, at times, wonder if the relationship is worth the hurt?
You might just write these people off as being rude and self-focused. But before you do that, ask yourself: Could there be something else going on that you don’t understand? They may not even realize they interrupt or maybe they know it is a problem and seem unable to change. People with ADHD may have this tendency to interrupt. But why?
Challenges with impulsivity and self-regulation can be a few of the symptoms someone with ADHD may experience. A thought comes into your brain and before you know it, the thought goes out of your mouth. Your brain is going faster than the conversation, so you jump in. Fast talking can cause us to cut others off.
Struggle with focus and attention and working memory are common problems with those who have ADHD. These also contribute to this problem of interrupting. You need to share something NOW before you forget. Something distracts you; you lose track of the conversation then come in with something totally unrelated. The speaker may be going into too much detail, and either you are distracted and cannot follow or it is getting boring. The ADHD brain tends to always be looking for something exciting.
What can be done if you are the one who has offended others through your tendency to interrupt?
- Be mindful of the problem. Understand how it affects others.
- With people you know and trust, explain that your interruptions are a result of your ADHD brain and that you are mindful of the problem and are working on it.
- Become more aware of when you tend to interrupt. Perhaps have a loved one give you a signal.
- When you need to have an important conversation, find an environment that will not be distracting.
- Try fidgeting with something like a paperclip or rubber band with your hands while having a conversation. This can help you focus better.
- During an important conversation for work or with a loved one, take notes. This will remind you not only that it is your time to listen but will help you remember what was said so that you can respond accordingly.
- Get rid of excess energy through exercise. Doing so can increase focus and decrease hyperactivity and impulsivity (2 culprits to a mind that interrupts).
- Commit to being fully present in conversations. Use affirming body language like nodding and maintaining eye contact. Avoid multitasking. If you are listening to a significant other, try holding their hand while they talk. Watch the speaker’s face for signs that they have finished a point.
- To avoid hurts, encourage the speaker to continue after you notice you interrupted (“I am sorry I interrupted you, please continue telling me about…”); ask specific questions about what they were talking about).
- When the urge to interrupt comes, count to 10 and think about whether the interruption would be helpful.
- If the conversation is getting heated and you find yourself getting very emotional, try taking a break to calm down.
- Asking “may I interrupt?” makes others feel you are being respectful and gives them the option of asking you to wait until they have finished.
- When you do interrupt, apologize.
- Learn the art of being curious about the other. Ask good questions that allow the speaker to go deeper Don’t think about what you want to say while someone is still talking with you.
For those who have been frustrated with someone who interrupts, extend grace. There is always a reason why people behave the way they do. Assuming the best is helpful. For those who struggle with interrupting, there is hope that you can change. It starts with being aware of the problem and understanding how this affects someone else, and then taking conscious steps to correct it.
It is helpful to talk with a professional ADHD counselor who understands ADHD who can share additional tools to help not only with interrupting, but perhaps with other symptoms of ADHD that are interrupting the good flow in your relationships.
